Sick And Tired

I enjoy playing with my nieces. Years ago when Megan was younger she usually wore me out. I recall one day when I told her, "Megan, I am old and I am tired." She looked right at me and replied, "Uncle Dan, you're not tired." She was only being honest in her appraisal of me. My own wife has told me that I have experienced much more than most people my age. I do not have a problem with being old. What I cannot handle is being sick.

There are many things I could do differently. Exercise is mandatory for someone with fibromyalgia and is good advice for anyone wanting to better their health. Eating right, whatever that may mean, is also part of maintaining one's body. Stress reduction and relaxation techniques are both suggested by physicians for keeping our resistance up. Most people know this already. What no one teaches is how to develop the discipline to make these part of our life.

Maybe I should not complain? I have access to health care. The money is there to pay for whatever I may need. There are just certain realities that I have a hard time accepting. My wife and I both have health troubles that we inherited. We also tend to get sick more often than before and the time it takes to recover is much longer. I have always understood this in theory. Living it in reality is still such a shock despite repeated warnings from older adults.

Every part of our bodies works less efficiently as each year passes. There are little aches and pains that I cannot explain. One might think that I would appreciate life that much more. To them I say, no, not really. Although I value life in general I cannot feel sanguine about one that involves suffering. For the record let me acknowledge that all people age and that we all have our burden to bear. My only real complaint is that I feel so totally unprepared.

What profession exists to help people like me? Medical and social services abound for those in pain, for the infirmed and the aged. Ask any senior citizen and they will tell you without any hesitation that growing old is a bitch. What no one can tell me is what to do or how to feel about it. The only advice I have received is to "buck up" or "walk it off." We know that aging brings with it its own unique set of difficulties. What we ignore are those who go through this most discouraging process.

I am simply suggesting that there needs to be some form of social service that helps people in various stages of life. My idea may offend those who believe in limited government. People should sit down with a client and help prepare them mentally for what lay ahead. Let us use the experiences of others to soften the way for those following behind. Linking individuals in the same boat would offer moral support and greater understanding.

We must get older; we have no choice. The fountain of youth has yet to be discovered no matter what that MLM may be hawking. There is no good reason to be alone or feel alone. If by sharing my experiences I may help another I would be more than willing. There must be others in various life stages willing to share their knowledge and wisdom. A great man once said that united we stand. Easing the suffering of others must become one of humanity's top priorities. If we are not reducing it we will inevitably increase it through our inaction.

If Only

Daily I live with feelings of regret. It is difficult to discuss this issue. Certain people may take what I write out of context. Some decisions I have made have been in my best interests. Others, though minor, affected people in negative ways. By writing about this subject I hope that my thoughts will give comfort to others. I have found that the best way to look at the past is to simply leave it there in my mind.

I cannot change what was. There is to time machine that would allow me to fix what I believe might be broken. There are plenty of embarrassing moments from my past that I wish had never occurred. Certain actions I probably should not have taken. Words misspoke or unsaid I cannot now change. Maybe I am too hard on myself? My wife certainly thinks so.

There must be many others who can relate to what I mean. How many moments from your own life are there that did not quite go as planned? We are not perfect beings. I have found that it is best to just let things be. What happened is over and will never be revisited. There is no point in feeling bad about that which we cannot change.

Overall I am proud of who I am and where I am today. If any of us could change these small moments of regret we might alter our life's path irrevocably. One might argue that there is a reason that we are who we are today. The same holds true for those with whom we interact. All of these moments, whether painful or embarrassing, are necessary for us to later become the adults we are now.

We cannot tinker with the fabric of our lives nor should we. Regret, pain and just feeling bad must sometimes occur if we are to grow and thrive. There must be a balance with times of joy and happiness. Good and bad are two sides of the same coin. I do not mean to sound trite but without knowing hurt we could never know happy.

I still have times when old memories surface and rear their ugly heads in my mind. I momentarily cringe and say to myself, "what the hell was I thinking?" I take a deep breath and remind myself that over time I cannot really be sure what happened. The mind tends to either romanticize or worsen an event in our memory. Either way I repeat this mantra: All that matters is here and now.

Let us try and do the best we can today and leave the past in the past where it belongs. Do not allow faded memories to have more power over you than they deserve. We should all be proud of just who we have become and optimistic about our future potential. Naturally there will be more moments that we might later regret. Forgive yourself and move on mentally. Do not dwell on the past lest you wish to become stuck there forever.

Just Getting By

It is healthy to have an outlet for our frustrations. Keeping our hurt or anger inside causes these feelings to grow. They slowly eat away at our very being. A way must be utilized to vent and allow what hurts to slowly heal. There are methods, common and uncommon, that one may use as a release. Most forms are healthy and beneficial while a few, though understandable, only exacerbate the problem.

It is socially acceptable to drink while less so to smoke. Tobacco and alcohol have for many years been the method of choice for dealing with stress. One may temporarily feel better but over time have to deal with liver disease and cancer. Drugs are an option to be sure. After the effect wears off are you really in a better place mentally?

Some items are not inherently unhealthy as stress-relievers go. Comfort food makes us feel better. Video games takes our mind off of our troubles. Shopping gets us out of the house and affords us a way to assuage our pain. The greater the hurt the more likely we are to overdo these things and therefore add to our ever-mounting troubles.

When we unburden ourselves we must do so in some way that is therapeutic and not deleterious to our souls. Talking to someone who truly cares about our well-being is healthy. Find a person who will listen and not judge. Keeping thoughts in a journal is useful as well. A small toy or familiar old blanket may give you comfort from the storm that rages within.

Therapy is not always an option. Good mental health professionals cost money. Self-help books might be a substitute of sorts but they are written too generally. We need to keep our thoughts straight in our minds. It is hard to know just how we think or feel when our minds feel like a swirling miasma that is not under our control.

Some of the methods I mentioned are fine for the short-term but they will hardly offer support throughout one's lifetime. We need a way to get what we need that will last and keep us healthy. Friends and journals offer support. Hobbies that we enjoy also help us take a break from recurring mental imagery. Moments of quiet and honest reflection allow us to take stock of just where we are inside.

With all of the problems and pain we humans encounter we cannot help but need a way to let it all out. Outer cuts and scratches heal over time. Inner salves and bandages for our hidden wounds are harder to come by. This is why we need to be creative when seeking healthy outlets. Use one of my examples or create one of your own. Either way just please remember to remove the cork from time to time and let out what only hurts to hold inside.

Rabbit Food

This post is meant to be just a quick note concerning the food we eat. Many popular fish varieties are becoming extinct. Cattle that are fed grass are rare indeed. Much of what we eat is poisoned either at the source by chemicals and/or at the processing plant with yet more chemicals. Additives such as high fructose corn syrup are slowly making us fatter and upping the chances of diabetes. All-in-all we seemed to be screwed.

There are a few options that I feel are safer bets. Locally grown produce should be supported. Organic is usually healthier than non-organic depending upon the usage of the word organic itself. Foods with less overall processing and fewer ingredients on the label are good choices. Whole grains rather than refined are much better for our health. Not all so-called "health-foods" are truly healthy or taste good. Read the label, compare and educate yourself if you want to feel better as you age.

More veggies and less red meat, or any meat for that matter, is the best way to go. When you change your diet for the better many good things occur. Our skin looks better. We feel better and our numbers, like cholesterol, go lower. I do not wish to sound like Dr. Oz but we really have to become more proactive when it comes to our health. Eating, exercise and our mental state all contribute to the betterment of the whole. If you do not take good care of yourself no one else will... except maybe the mortician.

Family Ties

Sometimes I feel like an anthropologist. Just a few blocks from me lives the Martin family. Their household is made up of a mom, a dad, two sisters and two Shih Tzus. I visit them often and observe their daily activities and hear about their daily lives. Both parents work and the girls attend school and enjoy extracurricular activities. I am the girls' uncle and enjoy spending time with whomever happens to be home when I arrive. Through all of my observations I have learned that the family dynamic is never as simple as it may seem.

I try to stay out of any family squabbles. I listen patiently whenever a family member tells me their side of things. I certainly do not discipline the girls. It is, after all, their parents' job and I would rather somewhat spoil them instead. Keeping my distance and not assuming things helps me to see and understand; in some cases better than the Martins themselves. I find it fascinating how despite different personalities and different needs the family is a cohesive unit.

The mom is quite frenetic. She gets uncomfortable with having time to herself. She certainly likes to complain to my wife just how busy she gets. Despite this she somehow makes time for herself and the rest of her family. It was never easy for her growing up in her big sister's shadow. It was no easy task to prove herself worthy and capable of being a wife, mother and homemaker. I tried to be her cheerleader when others would doubt her chances of success. After many years of trial and error she has more than proven herself capable.

The dad is sometimes quiet yet is quite aware of what goes on inside the home. He may not always speak his mind but he is never afraid to do so. He has struggled with education and employment issues like many others. What matters is that he has found a career that meets his needs and suits his personality. His previous employment often took him away from his loved ones. He now gets to spend the time with his family whom he puts first in all that he does. Dependability is a label, I believe, that he may wear with pride.

The girls are real pistols. They are just a bit too smart and astute for their own good. When they speak their minds, which is quite often, they are tactful. It still takes my wife and I by surprise how smart and quick-witted they can be; especially the younger one. Christine and I have tried to figure out from whom they inherited their personality traits. It seems that various members of their extended family donated parts of themselves which have all helped to make the girls who they are today.

Despite their flaws I can say with real conviction that the Martin family should be an example for many. I realize that my love for them may affect my appraisal. There is just so much that I see that tells me that their family dynamic is a healthy one. All of what creates togetherness and love in a household is easily identifiable in the Martin clan. Personality conflicts and hardship has caused them pain and strife over the years. What is most important is that, over time, their strength has increased and their love for one another has flourished.

Celebrity Inspiration

I might as well chime in on the Tiger Woods scandal. God knows everyone else cannot seem to stop talking about it. Personally I could not care less. We all screw up. Granted we all do not crash our cars into trees or have multiple dalliances with loose women. We should not be surprised, though we often are, when our heroes prove themselves to be less than superhuman.

I have discussed in an earlier post our need to place people on pedestals. It is human nature to look to celebrities as if they deserve to be the guiding light for our lives. What makes that so dangerous is that no one is perfect. Anyone we truly care about will inevitably disappoint us. Why is there such a fascination with those whom we deem to be better than ourselves?

We all need people to inspire us and guide us with their words and actions. This aspect of our nature is not harmful per se. The problems start when we expect too much from our heroes. We may, in some instances, be willing to forgive one's fall from grace. We are especially generous when the fall is followed by many mea culpas from the sinner in question.

Sometimes though we cannot get past whatever transgression was committed. Our balloons are burst and there is no hope for the celebrity to remain in our good graces. It is not enough to look toward those who might guide us. We must tell ourselves that these people can do no wrong. We have to believe that they, in all that they do, will be right with the angels.

This is the epicenter of the difficulty with placing people up so high in our esteem. We need to strive to become better or greater than who and what we are now. There must be someone to whom we can aspire to emulate. For this person to be worthy we tell ourselves a real whopper. Our hero or heroine can do no wrong. Why else would we believe that we must follow in their footsteps?

We must convince ourselves that perfection is not only possible but preferable. It is this mindset that leads so many astray. It truly shocks us when people like Tiger show that they are capable of some of the same missteps that we are. It is healthy and beneficial to look upwards when seeking guidance. It would be better for us if we were also prepared for the times our idols stumble.

It does seem to be a shock to the system each time someone, whom we had previously thought as perfect, takes a fall. The next time we hold up someone's success as an example for one's life we must also consider all of the little failures that it took for them to get there. No celebrity asks to be held aloft on our collective shoulders. They know better than most how far down the fall can be and how fickle the minds are of the American public.

Get Involved

It is too easy to become a Monday morning quarterback. This term refers to people who watch football on Sunday and on Monday declare all that their team did wrong. While watching the news we act in a similar fashion. Story after story appear that show the evils that people commit. We cluck our tongues and say it is all a shame. Positive change occurs only when we get involved.

My niece wanted to join the Girl Scouts. The school offered a meeting place but no one to oversee the club. My sister-in-law learned that there was only one other girl and her mother that held any interest in helping out. The two got together and decided to form the club even if they only had two members. Soon after, when other girls learned of the club's formation, more joined and more adults came to help. If it were not for my sister getting involved there would have been no club at all.

Volunteerism is on the rise. With more people without steady employment adults have idle time on their hands. Offering to help others is a great way to involve yourself in the betterment of society. Your city has volunteer opportunities such as with kids and the elderly. Civic service organizations would no doubt welcome a helping hand. Nursing homes, animal shelters and public libraries are all great places to donate some of your time.

When someone else is in pain please do not turn away. I know that it is difficult. If you witness an accident or a crime in progress do what is right. Call the police. Get the attention of passersby. Do not let the perpetrator get away with it! If you see someone skulking around your neighbor's property do not turn a blind eye. When you know that someone is hurt or being hurt you cannot ignore what is in front of you. If it happened to you would you not wish that someone had gotten involved?

Life is not merely a spectator sport. Things will not get better on their own. You can choose to sit back and criticize or step forward and make a positive change. What happens to others does affect us all. There is simply no excuse not to get involved. With tools like cell phones, the Internet and word-of-mouth we all have the capability to make things right. Take a stand! If you decide to sit on your ass and let the world just pass you by you deserve whatever you get. Just do not think for a minute that someone else does not deserve better.