Only An Illusion

There is one thing we want. We want it more than love, money or fame. The harder we hold it the more it slips from our grasp. We all want control. There are so many issues we contend with on a daily basis. We interact with people and technology and neither ever really do exactly what we want. If only we could have control over what occurs. The sad truth is that it is but an illusion that we have created to try and make ourselves feel better.

Things will inevitably go wrong in our life. As much thought and planning goes into something there will always be random acts to contend with. We think that, maybe over time, we can control what paths our lives take. To some extent this is true. We can prepare ourselves and learn from our mistakes. Please do not kid yourself though. What really counts is the choices we make and how we react to our circumstances.

Who are the ones that we hope will just do as we say? Our spouses do not listen half the time. The children have a mind of their own. The dog or cat is certainly not paying attention. That cashier has better things to do. Even our computers do not take us seriously. We need these people, and computers, to simply do as we ask. Do not they understand our needs? We have places to go and things to do!

Frustration cannot be helped. People will not necessarily care about what we want from them. What can we do and how can we cope? There are techniques that can help us stay calm, reduce stress and communicate effectively. It takes time and patience. We can learn ways that help to ensure our needs are met. Here are a few examples.

Understanding that the other person is worthy of your time is a good start. Imagine that they are a family member. Be diplomatic. Connecting with another human being brings its own rewards. Whomever you talk to must be made to feel important. They will then be more likely to listen and care about your problem. Never underestimate the power of a kind word.

When you speak with your family you must remain objective. Eliminate judgment and criticism. Be open to who they are and what they feel. It does no good to tell someone they should not feel the way they do. This only puts them on the defensive. Understand that feelings are legitimate. If you deal with loved ones on that basis your relationship cannot help but grow.

Sympathy and empathy go a long way with anyone you come across. People need to know that they are not alone. We need to feel connected to others. It helps to be open about our experiences. We can learn from each other. All that is needed is a willing ear and the ability not to interrupt. Communication is a two-way street.

A few more pieces of advice come to mind. No one will ever meet your needs unless you state them. You are more likely to get what you want when you clearly state your desires to that person who is in the best position to help you. Do not let fear stop you. There is also the need for planning. Do not use magical thinking and assume that all will occur as you hoped. Do due diligence and be ready with plan B!

Relaxation can do wonders. Be it yoga or meditation you can reduce stress and build your bodies' defenses. A little "me" time each day helps you forget about the world and concentrate on you. No price can be placed on a sense of well-being and inner peace. Taking time to make yourself happy is the best way we can show love to ourselves. Caring for us first enables us to better care for others.

A little advice about computers is in order. As I mentioned computers are an integral part of our day-to-day activities. Take care of yours. Turn it off when not in use. De-frag the hard drive and scan for viruses and spyware. Like any appliance or electronics it will last longer the longer you maintain it. There are plenty of web sites that will teach you all you need to know.

We try so hard to keep control. Nothing ever goes just the way we hoped. Since we cannot make the world bend to our will we have only ourselves to depend on. The techniques I outlined will help reduce stress and anger and help to create a more balanced life. What happens to us is the result of the choices we make. Choose to do what is right each day. What will this accomplish? The next day will be that much better!