Feeling Overwhelmed

My posts will sometimes reflect my state of mind. It is easier to find subjects when I take examples from my life. This is no exception. I feel like my responsibilities have caused a mental cave-in. I have more to do than time allows which most can relate to. When writing most teachers have told me to refrain from using "I" sentences. It is difficult when I am the subject of what I write. Hopefully together we can discover a solution while we unravel this complex problem.

It is normal to feel frustration. The last thing I want is to make my wife a scapegoat. There are times that I feel alone in my duties. Christine tries to help but she is not always the best at asking the right questions. The only reason I am any good at it is because I take little at face value. For this reason I handle the business aspect of our relationship. I usually have to clean up whatever mess our collective mistakes create.

One might argue that it is the husband's job to take care of the house. Maybe so but I try to educate Christine in case I am not around. Granted I have more time to make calls and file away business papers than she does. Christine has a more than full-time job and has her own stressors to manage. Making time for what you might call a "balanced life" is nearly impossible. My various health issues do not allow for much quality time each day. Some days I am able to accomplish more than others.

Lists are a great way to keep track of responsibilities and prioritize them. They can also be a double-edged sword as they remind us of all that we have not done. Christine also has that effect. She can be nurturing one moment and defensive the next. I have learned a hard lesson from this. People know when they have screwed up. Reminding them gets you nowhere and makes it take even longer to move forward. It is best to create an atmosphere where people feel safe to nurture and safe to admit their mistakes.

This still leaves me in the position I was in before. What does a high-achiever do when they can no longer achieve? Christine likened my lengthy list to a hoarder. We both cannot determine what items, be they physical or written, to simply let go of. Foresight can only take me so far. I think that it may be a matter of deciding what I must let go of. It is about payoff and price. Is the payoff greater than the price I pay, both mentally and physically, to get the job done? It must also be great enough to make it all worthwhile.

People with Fibromyalgia are supposed to take it easy and reduce their stress. On that note it is time to eliminate items with price tags I cannot afford. Sometimes parts of the house will be messy. Some wishes must be set free. A few tasks will die a quick death. My lists will be shortened and my personal time will become better focused. Someday I may learn to accept my new lifestyle. For today I need to learn to accept the new me; no matter how damaged I am. The sooner I do the sooner Christine and I will enjoy peace of mind and peace at home.