Our Choices

A whole is made up of various parts. So it is with our lives. Just as we wear many hats, each representing a facet of our personality, our life is also divided. These parts do not exist on an even playing field. Some bring us joy, others strife, while others still are works in progress. I humbly submit a three-part method of clarifying and categorizing one's life. This outline may not work for everyone but I hope that it might act as a starting point for self-reflection.

Our behaviors do not always bring desired results. We want things to get better but it is not always clear how to do so. Banging your head into the wall only causes pain. Only a fool performs the same acts and believes that different results will occur. Acceptance must be the first part of the method. We must face the problem and understand that whatever we have done thus far must be revised. Only once we acknowledge what we dislike can change begin.

Not everything new must be made from whole cloth. In other words, when we break down a part of our lives, we find aspects that can be integrated into our new plan. This brings us to part two which I call compromise. Just like when dealing with others it is better to pick our battles. When it comes to ourselves small changes are often enough. Negotiation is key when changing maladaptive behaviors. Keep what works and combine it with new ideas that may lead to positive change and a positive outlook.

There will always be those things that we can do little about. Some behaviors, like other people, cannot be changed. It takes thought, time and patience to determine what is at fault and how to create a resolution. As painful as it may be we must accept the immovable objects of our lives. Resignation is the third part that saves us from further pain. As I mentioned the sooner we stop beating ourselves up the better. The truth is that some problems have no workable solution.

What I have written may be construed as a philosophical version of the popular serenity prayer. What the prayer mentions in its few lines seems trite when a person is suffering and longs for things to get better. Just as blueprints are used in construction a plan must be used as we daily build, change and remove parts of our inner selves. The greatest barrier to change is perspective. This is why it is so important to look at ourselves honestly and remain flexible. Some things can be made better while others remain as challenges we daily must overcome. Through this process we build character as we traverse the long highway of life.