Getting Along

There are so very many different people in the world. There are different looks, cultures, faces and styles. You cannot always find those who think like you. Sometimes our neighbors seem so alien. Would not the world be better if more of us were alike? Conformity would make life easier. Nothing we see or hear would shock us. Others' behavior would be about what you would expect. This is never going to happen though. We know this yet how do we deal with all the unpredictability?

I cannot tell you how many relationships exist based upon a lie. One common lie is that our partner will, with our guidance and help, become the person we wish they would be. Our children need to be more like us rather than display their own individual personalities. We could tolerate strangers better if they would just act more "American."

We seem to have such a hard time when people do not look or act in the ways we think they should. We falsely believe that the differences are some sort of threat. We certainly act threatened when someone crosses our path that does not behave as we are used to. Their look gives them away. Skin tone, clothing or accent are the obvious indicators that something is amiss.

Let us face facts. We as a nation are xenophobic to a fault. We react to variety in people as reason enough to go straight to DEFCON 1! Arm the missiles, ready the bombers! I am speaking metaphorically, of course. I am not suggesting that we bomb anyone. I am saying that, internally, we place ourselves into the ready position whenever a threat is perceived.

History backs up my assertion. We have demonized various groups throughout history. To name a few: Vietnamese, Russians, Japanese and now anyone even remotely looking Mexican or from any Middle Eastern country. Where does it end? Why must difference be perceived as such a great threat? Get a clue folks; it is no threat whatsoever.

We laugh. We cry. We bleed. We eat and sleep and dream. Believe it or not we have the same dreams. No, I am not referring to the one where we are naked in fifth grade and the teacher wants to give us a spanking with a yardstick. Okay, maybe that is just me, but I digress. We dream of acceptance and love and happiness and freedom.

All of us want the freedom to be who we can be and the right to be left alone and become that person. We all desire the opportunity to fulfill our dreams and a fair land from which to see those dreams come true. Give people a break! No matter how different they may seem they are much more alike than you give them credit for.

I know that most racists cannot be helped so I am speaking to the rest of you who still have an open mind. We are all human beings! Put aside your prejudice. Open your eyes, minds and hearts. Take the first step towards the creation of a better world. Put out your hand to your brothers and sisters. Say hello to your neighbors. Make all people feel wanted rather than someone the government would rather haul away and never see again.

Why Should I Care?

I was watching a documentary about water. I felt compelled to stop the film and log on to post this entry. The movie talks about water rights, the poor and corporations. I have a progressive mindset and therefore enjoy a good documentary. There is a part in the film, where it becomes obvious, that the particular company displayed cares nothing for its poor customers. This concept is universal; be it a person, a company or a government. Only when someone cares to create change does a problem get fixed. The question is: How can we make people care?

It is easy to be selfish and self-centered. Our society supports narcissism. Our economy makes it seem expensive to concern ourselves. Who are these nameless, faceless masses anyway? Why should I help them? I have problems of my own! I have too much on my plate as it is. There are organizations that will help them. We spend too much on taxes already. What more can I do?

Do these sentiments seem familiar? It is quite a stretch for many to care about more than the man, or woman, in the mirror. Compassion is a trait that strengthens. It is not a sign of weakness as some may claim. What affects a few will eventually affect all; one way or another. We cannot change the world. For some, the best they can hope for, is to make their corner of it better. What matters is that you do something and that you start today.

Research is the key. Learn about a people. Discover their problems. Choose a particular part of the world and start to read whatever you can find. It is easy to donate money. Giving of your time is just as valuable. You could volunteer for an organization whose goals are similar to yours. How about spreading the word so that others get involved? Speaking and writing are great ways to show that you want to make a difference.

Governments and corporations and neighborhoods are full of people. Sometimes it just takes one soul who cares to get the ball rolling. Do not be afraid to stand out. You will find many people who are receptive to your words. There are more people than you realize that care about the same things that you do. I have said this before: It just takes one pebble in the lake of man to create ripples of change. Be bold! Grab the pebble of your choice and see what happens. So much depends on it.

I Am A Hypocrite

I have offered advice. I have offered bits of wisdom. I have made suggestions for people concerning various aspects of their lives. I have tried to practice what I preach. In reality I know just how hard it is to follow the various dictates found in my blog. I freely admit that I do not always live up to my own expectations.

People love to advise us as to how to handle life's rough spots. Everyone thinks that they know best. I try to help using my experiences and logical thinking. Being told what to do is not the same as doing it. I am like anyone else. I work hard trying to live up to what this blog professes. It is not easy. I have periods of success and failure.

Making changes to our life, whether big or small, is an ongoing process. It is scientific in a way. We think we know how to fix something. We try it and see what works. Sometimes a change can stick and be long-lasting. In many cases we have to go back to the drawing board and reassess. It is all about taking baby steps. One small change at a time.

I am not saint and I am far from perfect. This does not stop me though as I write. I do my level-best to offer knowledge and information that will benefit the reader. Not all that I write will fit every person and their needs. I myself struggle daily to make my life into the vision that I see. I keep moving and keep trying. I admit my failures and find new paths to my goal. My blog is like a shmorgasbourg. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

The Evil Within

No person is a saint. We all have the capacity within us to perform great deeds. Knowing this I cannot help but wonder why so many are killed on a daily basis. Statistically speaking there are births and deaths each day. What concerns me are the deaths that seem so senseless. The media loves to make a point of telling us the details of every horror story in every part of the world. I just want to understand why. Why must so many individuals give in to their darker side?

People kill for a variety of reasons: War, revenge, self-defense. What they all have in common is anger. Anger is used either to steel yourself before you pull the trigger or used as the excuse to do so. It seemed like at one time people would offer a reason for taking a life. Now it appears to happen indiscriminately.

I think that the cause is obvious. Newer generations are not taught to value life; their own or others'. If we held that life is a precious gift we would think twice, or even three times, before ending it. This goes for murder and suicide equally. People might be less apt to just blow up as their first reaction to strife. What happened to diplomacy and negotiation?

There is evil inside of all of us. What separates the wheat from the chaff is the extent that we fight against our own nature. Do we gawk at an accident or look away? Do we get pleasure from the misery of others or attempt to ameliorate their wounds? We can either take responsibility for our actions or blame others and continue our negative behaviors.

It behooves us to strive to become more than we are. Human nature notwithstanding we must overcome our inner demons and enable the goodness that is in our hearts. To be greater than the sum of our parts is a laudable goal. When in a situation that angers you go beyond your gut reaction. Think rationally. Do not give in to that voice inside you that works to drag you down. Rise up and be the angel that may save someone's life. That life may be your own.

Only An Illusion

There is one thing we want. We want it more than love, money or fame. The harder we hold it the more it slips from our grasp. We all want control. There are so many issues we contend with on a daily basis. We interact with people and technology and neither ever really do exactly what we want. If only we could have control over what occurs. The sad truth is that it is but an illusion that we have created to try and make ourselves feel better.

Things will inevitably go wrong in our life. As much thought and planning goes into something there will always be random acts to contend with. We think that, maybe over time, we can control what paths our lives take. To some extent this is true. We can prepare ourselves and learn from our mistakes. Please do not kid yourself though. What really counts is the choices we make and how we react to our circumstances.

Who are the ones that we hope will just do as we say? Our spouses do not listen half the time. The children have a mind of their own. The dog or cat is certainly not paying attention. That cashier has better things to do. Even our computers do not take us seriously. We need these people, and computers, to simply do as we ask. Do not they understand our needs? We have places to go and things to do!

Frustration cannot be helped. People will not necessarily care about what we want from them. What can we do and how can we cope? There are techniques that can help us stay calm, reduce stress and communicate effectively. It takes time and patience. We can learn ways that help to ensure our needs are met. Here are a few examples.

Understanding that the other person is worthy of your time is a good start. Imagine that they are a family member. Be diplomatic. Connecting with another human being brings its own rewards. Whomever you talk to must be made to feel important. They will then be more likely to listen and care about your problem. Never underestimate the power of a kind word.

When you speak with your family you must remain objective. Eliminate judgment and criticism. Be open to who they are and what they feel. It does no good to tell someone they should not feel the way they do. This only puts them on the defensive. Understand that feelings are legitimate. If you deal with loved ones on that basis your relationship cannot help but grow.

Sympathy and empathy go a long way with anyone you come across. People need to know that they are not alone. We need to feel connected to others. It helps to be open about our experiences. We can learn from each other. All that is needed is a willing ear and the ability not to interrupt. Communication is a two-way street.

A few more pieces of advice come to mind. No one will ever meet your needs unless you state them. You are more likely to get what you want when you clearly state your desires to that person who is in the best position to help you. Do not let fear stop you. There is also the need for planning. Do not use magical thinking and assume that all will occur as you hoped. Do due diligence and be ready with plan B!

Relaxation can do wonders. Be it yoga or meditation you can reduce stress and build your bodies' defenses. A little "me" time each day helps you forget about the world and concentrate on you. No price can be placed on a sense of well-being and inner peace. Taking time to make yourself happy is the best way we can show love to ourselves. Caring for us first enables us to better care for others.

A little advice about computers is in order. As I mentioned computers are an integral part of our day-to-day activities. Take care of yours. Turn it off when not in use. De-frag the hard drive and scan for viruses and spyware. Like any appliance or electronics it will last longer the longer you maintain it. There are plenty of web sites that will teach you all you need to know.

We try so hard to keep control. Nothing ever goes just the way we hoped. Since we cannot make the world bend to our will we have only ourselves to depend on. The techniques I outlined will help reduce stress and anger and help to create a more balanced life. What happens to us is the result of the choices we make. Choose to do what is right each day. What will this accomplish? The next day will be that much better!

Woman As Object

Much of what I wrote in my last post may be attributed to one root cause. It is easy to inflict pain when the object of such is seen as evil. Women are the targets of scorn and derision. This has its basis in history. Some are taught this through their culture. Some learn this through "religious" teachings. In either case, when women are not treated with respect, they are treated as perfunctory objects.

Young girls are treated like chattel in various third-world dominions. They are traded to adult family members as child-brides. The family of the child may receive money, land or farm animals in return. Usually the transaction takes place as a means to keep the peace. Arrangements like this are also common among families of so-called cult groups. The worst example is the sex-trade. Young girls are routinely bought and sold to satiate a pedophiles' desire.

Teenagers have their own unique set of problems. Female teens are just learning about their own sexuality and sexual power. Desiring attention from others or due to peer pressure they may seem to dress provocatively. In reality they are simply victims of whatever styles of clothing are made available to them. Young men have their own hormonal problems to contend with. This is simply no excuse though for behaviors like date-rape or sullying one's reputation via the rumor mill.

Society gives us mixed messages when it comes to women. Advertising shows ladies as sex objects. We then receive conflicting dictates when told to behave like gentlemen. We cannot have it both ways. Women should not be objectified to begin with. Displaying her sexuality should not be seen as an open invitation for a man to do whatever he pleases. This is made difficult when it comes to pornography. Are women empowering themselves or feeding into the notion of woman as play toy?

I learned long ago that there is one common technique when it comes to that which one does not agree. When one cannot intelligently discuss or debate an issue the result is minimizing and demonizing. There are many men, angry men, who cannot intelligently come to terms with all that encompasses the opposite sex. They feel threatened by that which they make no effort to understand. Much of the evil that is done to women is done by these men. They use excuses that should be proclaimed as invalid by our enlightened society.

Moral-relativists and their ilk allow these atrocities to continue. They do not believe in absolutes. I certainly do. There are some acts that are pure evil. We must stand up for women everywhere; no matter what culture or religious group we might offend. Women are not things. They are not to be used as pawns no matter the justification or how ingrained the thinking behind it is. There are many organizations dedicated to the equality of women. Start your research and start to care.

Empowering Women?

Females are the weaker sex. Women are second-class citizens. Is this true? Yes, it is. Is this fair? No, of course not. But in our patriarchal world these suppositions have become the norm. In almost every society, every culture and in every country females are treated as less than. What does less than mean? It means less than males. Women everywhere, and for much of history, have been kept down by men.

There are too many examples to be discussed here that support my assertions. I will cover just some of them. Women were not allowed to vote in this country until 1920. This was due to the fight for women's suffrage. In other countries there have been similar battles for equal rights. Some of them have been successful while others have failed completely. What has been the result? Just look at those countries where women are forced to wear clothing so that their bodies are completely covered. In others it is a cultural norm to perform genital mutilation on girls as young as infants. This horror is perpetuated in the name of purity and chastity.

Equality in the workplace does not exist. Why should it? Year after year we fail to pass something as simple as the equal rights amendment. Women rarely reach the top of the corporate ladder. They make less money and hold fewer positions of authority than their male counterparts. Heaven forbid a woman should behave like a man! The same behaviors exhibited by men are seen as positive yet treated as a negative if coming from a woman. This double-standard is the height of hypocrisy.

Health care is yet another area in which women and women's issues are given short shrift. Women endure greater pain, and on a regular basis, as compared to men. Menstruation occurs monthly, often with pain from cramps and bloating, for which few effective treatments exist. Men really have no clue as to how a woman suffers before, during and after pregnancy. I have heard many horror stories of hospital stays spent in the maternity ward.

Many of these health issues are not solved due to the fact that mostly male health problems are studied. If men had to endure what women do there would soon be multiple treatments and medications for female medical issues. Going to the doctor for what help exists is often a challenge. How many decent and competent male OB/GYNs are there? It really takes a woman to understand what other women go through. Getting into the stirrups is uncomfortable enough without a cold male doctor being the one to hold the speculum.

There are social issues as well. The first is clothing. Clothing made for women, especially larger women, is made by those who just do not seem to care how ladies look. On top of this fact women's clothing always costs more than men's. Second is communication. Men expect women to think and express themselves like they do. This is another example of the one-way street mentality that permeates our society. Third is emotions. Men express frustration through anger. Women, in many cases, express it through crying. Anger is seen as a positive trait while crying is treated as verboten.

One of the most egregious forms of social inequality concerns the law. Rape is the ultimate violation of a woman's rights and her person. The onus is on the victim in proving the crime took place. A rape victim is naturally reluctant to come forward and face her attacker. Our society makes it worse by heaping shame and embarrassment on she who is assaulted. They are seen as weak and are often blamed for the horror they have endured. Rape kits used in hospitals are administered by indifferent and uncaring medical professionals. This hardly bolsters a rape victim's confidence.

Physical abuse is also an under reported crime in relation to others. Be it a boyfriend, spouse or significant other women are attacked by men in increasing regularity. The real shame is in how the courts handle such incidents. After many years of suffering there comes a time when a woman fights back. No matter how much she may have endured she is often the one arrested, prosecuted and imprisoned. Judges and juries seem to have little sympathy for female victims of abuse.

Here is the truth my friends. Women are the stronger sex and, deep down, men know it. Men are threatened by women and hence the many ways that they are kept down. You may find fault with my argument. You may say I am making generalizations. If you are honest with yourself you will see many examples all around you of what I claim as true. There is but one solution. Women must support each other as they assert individual and collective power. Men must drop their defenses and open themselves up to the wonder that women bring to the proverbial table. Only then can true equality exist as men and women finally coexist in peace and harmony.