Sick And Tired

I enjoy playing with my nieces. Years ago when Megan was younger she usually wore me out. I recall one day when I told her, "Megan, I am old and I am tired." She looked right at me and replied, "Uncle Dan, you're not tired." She was only being honest in her appraisal of me. My own wife has told me that I have experienced much more than most people my age. I do not have a problem with being old. What I cannot handle is being sick.

There are many things I could do differently. Exercise is mandatory for someone with fibromyalgia and is good advice for anyone wanting to better their health. Eating right, whatever that may mean, is also part of maintaining one's body. Stress reduction and relaxation techniques are both suggested by physicians for keeping our resistance up. Most people know this already. What no one teaches is how to develop the discipline to make these part of our life.

Maybe I should not complain? I have access to health care. The money is there to pay for whatever I may need. There are just certain realities that I have a hard time accepting. My wife and I both have health troubles that we inherited. We also tend to get sick more often than before and the time it takes to recover is much longer. I have always understood this in theory. Living it in reality is still such a shock despite repeated warnings from older adults.

Every part of our bodies works less efficiently as each year passes. There are little aches and pains that I cannot explain. One might think that I would appreciate life that much more. To them I say, no, not really. Although I value life in general I cannot feel sanguine about one that involves suffering. For the record let me acknowledge that all people age and that we all have our burden to bear. My only real complaint is that I feel so totally unprepared.

What profession exists to help people like me? Medical and social services abound for those in pain, for the infirmed and the aged. Ask any senior citizen and they will tell you without any hesitation that growing old is a bitch. What no one can tell me is what to do or how to feel about it. The only advice I have received is to "buck up" or "walk it off." We know that aging brings with it its own unique set of difficulties. What we ignore are those who go through this most discouraging process.

I am simply suggesting that there needs to be some form of social service that helps people in various stages of life. My idea may offend those who believe in limited government. People should sit down with a client and help prepare them mentally for what lay ahead. Let us use the experiences of others to soften the way for those following behind. Linking individuals in the same boat would offer moral support and greater understanding.

We must get older; we have no choice. The fountain of youth has yet to be discovered no matter what that MLM may be hawking. There is no good reason to be alone or feel alone. If by sharing my experiences I may help another I would be more than willing. There must be others in various life stages willing to share their knowledge and wisdom. A great man once said that united we stand. Easing the suffering of others must become one of humanity's top priorities. If we are not reducing it we will inevitably increase it through our inaction.

If Only

Daily I live with feelings of regret. It is difficult to discuss this issue. Certain people may take what I write out of context. Some decisions I have made have been in my best interests. Others, though minor, affected people in negative ways. By writing about this subject I hope that my thoughts will give comfort to others. I have found that the best way to look at the past is to simply leave it there in my mind.

I cannot change what was. There is to time machine that would allow me to fix what I believe might be broken. There are plenty of embarrassing moments from my past that I wish had never occurred. Certain actions I probably should not have taken. Words misspoke or unsaid I cannot now change. Maybe I am too hard on myself? My wife certainly thinks so.

There must be many others who can relate to what I mean. How many moments from your own life are there that did not quite go as planned? We are not perfect beings. I have found that it is best to just let things be. What happened is over and will never be revisited. There is no point in feeling bad about that which we cannot change.

Overall I am proud of who I am and where I am today. If any of us could change these small moments of regret we might alter our life's path irrevocably. One might argue that there is a reason that we are who we are today. The same holds true for those with whom we interact. All of these moments, whether painful or embarrassing, are necessary for us to later become the adults we are now.

We cannot tinker with the fabric of our lives nor should we. Regret, pain and just feeling bad must sometimes occur if we are to grow and thrive. There must be a balance with times of joy and happiness. Good and bad are two sides of the same coin. I do not mean to sound trite but without knowing hurt we could never know happy.

I still have times when old memories surface and rear their ugly heads in my mind. I momentarily cringe and say to myself, "what the hell was I thinking?" I take a deep breath and remind myself that over time I cannot really be sure what happened. The mind tends to either romanticize or worsen an event in our memory. Either way I repeat this mantra: All that matters is here and now.

Let us try and do the best we can today and leave the past in the past where it belongs. Do not allow faded memories to have more power over you than they deserve. We should all be proud of just who we have become and optimistic about our future potential. Naturally there will be more moments that we might later regret. Forgive yourself and move on mentally. Do not dwell on the past lest you wish to become stuck there forever.

Just Getting By

It is healthy to have an outlet for our frustrations. Keeping our hurt or anger inside causes these feelings to grow. They slowly eat away at our very being. A way must be utilized to vent and allow what hurts to slowly heal. There are methods, common and uncommon, that one may use as a release. Most forms are healthy and beneficial while a few, though understandable, only exacerbate the problem.

It is socially acceptable to drink while less so to smoke. Tobacco and alcohol have for many years been the method of choice for dealing with stress. One may temporarily feel better but over time have to deal with liver disease and cancer. Drugs are an option to be sure. After the effect wears off are you really in a better place mentally?

Some items are not inherently unhealthy as stress-relievers go. Comfort food makes us feel better. Video games takes our mind off of our troubles. Shopping gets us out of the house and affords us a way to assuage our pain. The greater the hurt the more likely we are to overdo these things and therefore add to our ever-mounting troubles.

When we unburden ourselves we must do so in some way that is therapeutic and not deleterious to our souls. Talking to someone who truly cares about our well-being is healthy. Find a person who will listen and not judge. Keeping thoughts in a journal is useful as well. A small toy or familiar old blanket may give you comfort from the storm that rages within.

Therapy is not always an option. Good mental health professionals cost money. Self-help books might be a substitute of sorts but they are written too generally. We need to keep our thoughts straight in our minds. It is hard to know just how we think or feel when our minds feel like a swirling miasma that is not under our control.

Some of the methods I mentioned are fine for the short-term but they will hardly offer support throughout one's lifetime. We need a way to get what we need that will last and keep us healthy. Friends and journals offer support. Hobbies that we enjoy also help us take a break from recurring mental imagery. Moments of quiet and honest reflection allow us to take stock of just where we are inside.

With all of the problems and pain we humans encounter we cannot help but need a way to let it all out. Outer cuts and scratches heal over time. Inner salves and bandages for our hidden wounds are harder to come by. This is why we need to be creative when seeking healthy outlets. Use one of my examples or create one of your own. Either way just please remember to remove the cork from time to time and let out what only hurts to hold inside.

Rabbit Food

This post is meant to be just a quick note concerning the food we eat. Many popular fish varieties are becoming extinct. Cattle that are fed grass are rare indeed. Much of what we eat is poisoned either at the source by chemicals and/or at the processing plant with yet more chemicals. Additives such as high fructose corn syrup are slowly making us fatter and upping the chances of diabetes. All-in-all we seemed to be screwed.

There are a few options that I feel are safer bets. Locally grown produce should be supported. Organic is usually healthier than non-organic depending upon the usage of the word organic itself. Foods with less overall processing and fewer ingredients on the label are good choices. Whole grains rather than refined are much better for our health. Not all so-called "health-foods" are truly healthy or taste good. Read the label, compare and educate yourself if you want to feel better as you age.

More veggies and less red meat, or any meat for that matter, is the best way to go. When you change your diet for the better many good things occur. Our skin looks better. We feel better and our numbers, like cholesterol, go lower. I do not wish to sound like Dr. Oz but we really have to become more proactive when it comes to our health. Eating, exercise and our mental state all contribute to the betterment of the whole. If you do not take good care of yourself no one else will... except maybe the mortician.

Family Ties

Sometimes I feel like an anthropologist. Just a few blocks from me lives the Martin family. Their household is made up of a mom, a dad, two sisters and two Shih Tzus. I visit them often and observe their daily activities and hear about their daily lives. Both parents work and the girls attend school and enjoy extracurricular activities. I am the girls' uncle and enjoy spending time with whomever happens to be home when I arrive. Through all of my observations I have learned that the family dynamic is never as simple as it may seem.

I try to stay out of any family squabbles. I listen patiently whenever a family member tells me their side of things. I certainly do not discipline the girls. It is, after all, their parents' job and I would rather somewhat spoil them instead. Keeping my distance and not assuming things helps me to see and understand; in some cases better than the Martins themselves. I find it fascinating how despite different personalities and different needs the family is a cohesive unit.

The mom is quite frenetic. She gets uncomfortable with having time to herself. She certainly likes to complain to my wife just how busy she gets. Despite this she somehow makes time for herself and the rest of her family. It was never easy for her growing up in her big sister's shadow. It was no easy task to prove herself worthy and capable of being a wife, mother and homemaker. I tried to be her cheerleader when others would doubt her chances of success. After many years of trial and error she has more than proven herself capable.

The dad is sometimes quiet yet is quite aware of what goes on inside the home. He may not always speak his mind but he is never afraid to do so. He has struggled with education and employment issues like many others. What matters is that he has found a career that meets his needs and suits his personality. His previous employment often took him away from his loved ones. He now gets to spend the time with his family whom he puts first in all that he does. Dependability is a label, I believe, that he may wear with pride.

The girls are real pistols. They are just a bit too smart and astute for their own good. When they speak their minds, which is quite often, they are tactful. It still takes my wife and I by surprise how smart and quick-witted they can be; especially the younger one. Christine and I have tried to figure out from whom they inherited their personality traits. It seems that various members of their extended family donated parts of themselves which have all helped to make the girls who they are today.

Despite their flaws I can say with real conviction that the Martin family should be an example for many. I realize that my love for them may affect my appraisal. There is just so much that I see that tells me that their family dynamic is a healthy one. All of what creates togetherness and love in a household is easily identifiable in the Martin clan. Personality conflicts and hardship has caused them pain and strife over the years. What is most important is that, over time, their strength has increased and their love for one another has flourished.

Celebrity Inspiration

I might as well chime in on the Tiger Woods scandal. God knows everyone else cannot seem to stop talking about it. Personally I could not care less. We all screw up. Granted we all do not crash our cars into trees or have multiple dalliances with loose women. We should not be surprised, though we often are, when our heroes prove themselves to be less than superhuman.

I have discussed in an earlier post our need to place people on pedestals. It is human nature to look to celebrities as if they deserve to be the guiding light for our lives. What makes that so dangerous is that no one is perfect. Anyone we truly care about will inevitably disappoint us. Why is there such a fascination with those whom we deem to be better than ourselves?

We all need people to inspire us and guide us with their words and actions. This aspect of our nature is not harmful per se. The problems start when we expect too much from our heroes. We may, in some instances, be willing to forgive one's fall from grace. We are especially generous when the fall is followed by many mea culpas from the sinner in question.

Sometimes though we cannot get past whatever transgression was committed. Our balloons are burst and there is no hope for the celebrity to remain in our good graces. It is not enough to look toward those who might guide us. We must tell ourselves that these people can do no wrong. We have to believe that they, in all that they do, will be right with the angels.

This is the epicenter of the difficulty with placing people up so high in our esteem. We need to strive to become better or greater than who and what we are now. There must be someone to whom we can aspire to emulate. For this person to be worthy we tell ourselves a real whopper. Our hero or heroine can do no wrong. Why else would we believe that we must follow in their footsteps?

We must convince ourselves that perfection is not only possible but preferable. It is this mindset that leads so many astray. It truly shocks us when people like Tiger show that they are capable of some of the same missteps that we are. It is healthy and beneficial to look upwards when seeking guidance. It would be better for us if we were also prepared for the times our idols stumble.

It does seem to be a shock to the system each time someone, whom we had previously thought as perfect, takes a fall. The next time we hold up someone's success as an example for one's life we must also consider all of the little failures that it took for them to get there. No celebrity asks to be held aloft on our collective shoulders. They know better than most how far down the fall can be and how fickle the minds are of the American public.

Get Involved

It is too easy to become a Monday morning quarterback. This term refers to people who watch football on Sunday and on Monday declare all that their team did wrong. While watching the news we act in a similar fashion. Story after story appear that show the evils that people commit. We cluck our tongues and say it is all a shame. Positive change occurs only when we get involved.

My niece wanted to join the Girl Scouts. The school offered a meeting place but no one to oversee the club. My sister-in-law learned that there was only one other girl and her mother that held any interest in helping out. The two got together and decided to form the club even if they only had two members. Soon after, when other girls learned of the club's formation, more joined and more adults came to help. If it were not for my sister getting involved there would have been no club at all.

Volunteerism is on the rise. With more people without steady employment adults have idle time on their hands. Offering to help others is a great way to involve yourself in the betterment of society. Your city has volunteer opportunities such as with kids and the elderly. Civic service organizations would no doubt welcome a helping hand. Nursing homes, animal shelters and public libraries are all great places to donate some of your time.

When someone else is in pain please do not turn away. I know that it is difficult. If you witness an accident or a crime in progress do what is right. Call the police. Get the attention of passersby. Do not let the perpetrator get away with it! If you see someone skulking around your neighbor's property do not turn a blind eye. When you know that someone is hurt or being hurt you cannot ignore what is in front of you. If it happened to you would you not wish that someone had gotten involved?

Life is not merely a spectator sport. Things will not get better on their own. You can choose to sit back and criticize or step forward and make a positive change. What happens to others does affect us all. There is simply no excuse not to get involved. With tools like cell phones, the Internet and word-of-mouth we all have the capability to make things right. Take a stand! If you decide to sit on your ass and let the world just pass you by you deserve whatever you get. Just do not think for a minute that someone else does not deserve better.

Not Very Likely

I encourage everyone to read. Books are a precious resource as any librarian will tell you. I enjoy walking around my local library as well as big box bookstores. Some of the most popular and highest selling novels revolve around ideas that I find ridiculous. It is not the latest vampire craze I am referring to; although that is pretty silly. There are three subjects that are not worth the paper they are printed on.

Astronomers look up at the stars to gaze at the panoply that nature offers. Astrologers look up as well in hopes of predicting their day. A small segment of the population fixes their eyes, and their cameras, on what they hope is evidence of alien life. Apparently their local Home Depot parking lot does not offer enough proof of alien activity. This vocal minority truly believes that somewhere in our universe life must exist. Frankly the only anal probing I worry about is during my annual physical.

My turgid sense-of-humor aside I am not concerned in the least about possible alien existence. I look at the issue logically. If extra-terrestrials were to someday visit Earth en masse we might be shocked for a little while. News coverage would be hot and heavy for a few days. What do they look like? What do they want? Would they like a cup of tea? After the furor dies down we must get back to our lives. People still have to show up at work. The lawn must still be managed. I mean, really! Pictures of Britney Spears will not post themselves!

It is the end of the world as we know it and I am okay with that. 2012, apparently the end of the Mayan calendar, marks the end of civilization. Dozens of books and even a feature length film have all been created to memorialize, commemorate and scare the bejeezus out of us. I guess the world is going to end and there is nothing we can do about it. So much for those pesky student loan payments! Did the Mayans have some secret knowledge or were they just too lazy to make any more calenders?

If the world is, in fact, ending there is not a damn thing anyone can do. If these books' purpose is to inform us I see no point. We are "SOL" and have no real options. If someone is that afraid then a peaceful suicide is always a possibility. Any scientist worth their bunsen burner can tell you that our planet has been here for millions of years and will very likely be here for millions more. I hope these doom and gloom authors do not really believe their own bullshit. If so then they only have a few more years to spend their royalties.

What happens when we die? Atheists believe that all we do is fertilize the soil. The desire to understand what occurs after death is part and parcel of many religions. Sometimes the dead return to help us or haunt us. Zombies are quite popular lately. If it were not for them authors would have no reason to rewrite so many stodgy classic novels. Ghosts and spirits inhabit our world for reasons only they can know. Maybe they got sidetracked by a sale at Neiman Marcus on their way to the light?

The belief that places are haunted is quite common. It always seems to be some old house or former sanitarium that is rife with apparitions. Why is it never an Armenian Walmart? Some might argue that the dead leave behind their energy or "life force" which cause disturbances. The only thing disturbing is that so-called "intelligent" people truly believe in such nonsense. When you die, that is it, game over. Science proves that the only shadows are the ones objects make while standing in the sun.

I still cannot understand such irrational thinking and behavior. Ever since reading books by James Randi, et. al. I cannot help but be a skeptic. There is plenty that physically exists that we are still deciphering without having to look for more. A truism neatly applies to these unscientific notions. There is no point worrying about that which we cannot control. Some individuals have the need to concern themselves with thoughts derived from pure fantasy. To them I say: Do not worry! When the world ends in a few years aliens will swoop down to save us all. How do I know? A very reliable ghost told me.

What It Is

I enjoy discussion and debate as much as the next person. Certain rules must be in place for this to occur. Personal attacks are out. Keep emotions in check. Be open to differing viewpoints and criticize constructively. In in ideal world these rules would be a given. On television, where much debate occurs, these rules do not exist. Objectivity seems nonexistent and attacking one's character are the norm.

Many of the talking heads we see televised are popular due to specific techniques used while speaking to their mass audience:

Patronize their viewers
Minimize whom they disagree with
Demonize those they fear
Ostracize anyone who disagrees
Canonize like-minded speakers

The end-result is:

Polarize the country as a whole

Watch any of the popular political pundits with the above points in mind and I think you will agree. Why does this happen? Calm, rational and well thought-out debate just would not gather the viewers nor increase ratings. When there are no stated rules that must be followed, other than the FCC's, other rules then naturally develop. My next paragraph will attempt to summarize them.

Discussion is often based upon the hosts' particular politics or ideology. Much of what is mentioned is based upon, not what is, but on what would/should/could have been. Too often the "whys" are covered before we ever learn the facts of the "what." The roundtable type discussion usually degenerates into speculation and debating minutiae; minutiae that changes as more facts become available. Most of the guest speakers on these shows seem quite out-of-touch. They are too often academic types who leave their vaulted towers just long enough to make a quick buck or push their latest treatise.

I hold no allusions that much of the information available on the Internet is pure crap. You might actually step into a bit here and there on this blog if you are not careful. The Web has a few benefits though that makes it a more viable information source than television any day of the week. Anytime you must find the truth for yourself rather than repeat what another has said is always best. Look around as you surf and seek varying points of view. Do not simply settle on some site that agrees with your mindset and think that you have done enough. You have not.

Truth is relative. Politics, experience, religion and even our own repressed desires can affect how we view our changing world. These facts will never be uttered by the denizens of Fox News, the New York Times or any other media outlet or source. Be your own investigative reporter. Look behind the news. Look at multiple sources of information. Ask questions and then ask even more questions. As soon as you are satisfied that you truly understand an issue you have probably just scratched the surface. Dig deep enough and in enough places and you might just strike information gold!

Follow The Leader

I have never been much for authority figures. I do not like taking orders. Giving them to others is not much better. A person should march to the beat of their own drum. In an ideal world people would listen to their instincts and do what is right. Sometimes though we may get lost on the way to our destination. This is a time when it becomes easy to influence society's lost sheep.

Take a look at the self-help section of your local bookstore. Plenty of authors offer the "perfect" plan for your life. No matter where your difficulty may lie there is a book just waiting to set you back on the right track. Peek into the pages and you will discover words of wisdom and gems of advice. As you scan the shelf you must begin to wonder? How could these writers know me when they write for the masses?

They cannot be a substitute for one-on-one therapy or counseling. Books such as these, by their very nature, must be written as broadly as possible. These books must appeal to a mass audience in order to sell the greatest number of copies. No matter how specific the malady the book will suggest that many segments of society can relate in some way. In this way the publisher hopes to sell as many copies to as many people as possible.

If a person becomes desperate enough they will seek solace in a group of like-minded individuals. This is how cults are formed. One person declares themselves the "savior" and offers to lead the group to -- heaven, nirvana, Starbucks, take your pick -- if the followers would only promise their undying obedience and loyalty. And much of their life savings. If only people would remember that old adage about absolute power.

This type of movement can be seen in various seminars for corporations or modern religions like Scientology. A person or group insists that they have all the answers. No one has all the answers and certainly not me. Beware of these groups who attempt to outline your life and control your behavior. If someone says that they are God please run away as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Anytime your money or unquestioned devotion is required for assistance you are in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I certainly went through a period when I was trying to figure out just who I was and what my purpose might be. I looked toward people I knew and even people I had just met. No one really held any answers for me. I was hoping I would find someone worthy of following. I felt lost and confused. In the end I did not find that person and I am glad for that. Who is truly worthy of following and what person really wants some kid following them?

In the end I discovered the one and only source of truth in one's life. It is difficult to accept and even harder to listen to. The source is your own heart. A friend once told me that the head will lie yet the heart is incapable of deceit. Within ourselves is the ability to determine just what is right and good. We often have other more selfish ideas which makes it harder to listen to that inner voice. The way to truly listen is to stop fighting ourselves and accept the truth of what is. Let your heart lift the burden your shoulders know too well.

Who Is Special?

We as humans are walking contradictions. When we experience something painful or stressful we wonder. We wonder if others have had the same experiences. There are times that knowing we are not alone would make us feel better. Conversely we desire to feel special. Individualism drives us as we try to establish just who we are. The contradiction is between these two concepts. Are we like everybody else or are we simply one of a kind?

There are everyday occurrences that we know through experience are ones most people deal with. When rarer experiences occur we tend to feel confused and alone. Intellectually we know that other people must have gone through it before. We need to hear it from others. Depending upon one's support system one might have an easier time than another. Support groups, on or off the Internet, are widely available. It is not too hard to find someone who can understand just where we are in life.

Everyone wants to feel special. A kind word from a co-worker or loved one helps to instill these feelings within us. We begin to work toward individualism as teenagers. The way we talk, dress and the people we associate with are all part of defining our identities. As much as we wish to be like no other we tend to blend in regardless. It is only as we age and have greater choices do we begin to form the real person inside.

I see an overlap with all that I have said. When we are stressed or feel trapped we need help from others. Understanding that others have walked your path lifts a weight off of our shoulders. By doing this we see we are not so different after all. The downside is that if this is so we cannot be as special as we thought. Sometimes we need to believe the fallacy that our thoughts and feelings are truly original.

For some there is no other way to feel special. Even if it means being the loner or rebel, no matter how painful this may be, some choose to distance themselves from the rest of society. This is a negative way to make yourself feel like no one else can understand you. It feeds into a form of ego that says that one must be special if no one else understands them. It is unhealthy in the long run. It is like a child who gets negative attention as this becomes better than none at all.

My point is that we need to feel understood and misunderstood both at the same time. We want to be seen as approachable yet also as an individual. We are part of the world around us yet we are alone when the need arises. I see this is an inherent contradiction in all people. The solution is to support and be open to being supported. Our own inner dialogue is enough to sustain our need to feel special. It is possible to have a world of individuals whom have much in common.

Truth In Advertising

Whether you like capitalism or not we all have needs. It takes dollars to meet those needs. Beyond these are wants and sometimes the line between the two becomes blurred. Corporations entice us with their commercials. They make their products seem so attractive. They proclaim that we will feel, look and perform better with whatever they hawk. Most intelligent adults know puffery when they see it. We know we are being lied to yet we still give them our hard earned bucks.

Most any car will get us to our destination. Any cereal eaten in the morning will fill us up for a few hours. The majority of products advertised will have the basic effect intended by the manufacturer. Why and how do we determine just whose products we will buy and consume? Some of us are brand loyal. We pick the brands that we are used to or have features we have come to expect. Those who choose something different each time do so for a variety of reasons.

We may go out and buy a product because it is new. A coupon in the Sunday newspaper might have enticed us. Friends often make recommendations as to something they liked. Advertising itself does not always create the want within us. Outside factors as I have stated can be just as powerful. For decades the best commercials on television were the ones that entertained rather than informed. What good are the efforts of big business therefore in getting their products in front of prospective buyers?

It is a given that companies need some way to get the word out as to their latest offerings. The problem that I have is that much of advertising is an insult to our intelligence. Companies know that any real benefit of their product over another is in the mind of the user. We as consumers know better than to fall for the line of bullshit advertisers feed us. Yet companies still market to intangibles like vanity rather than how a product will create a tangible benefit in one's life.

What is worse is when a product presupposes that a particular condition or malady exists. This is especially true for drug manufacturers. As if we, the American public, do not have enough real problems without new ones being invented. Too many products are simply solutions looking for a problem. Is it too much to ask for advertisements to definitively display exactly what good will be done for us? It is as if companies see us as children who must be told fairy tales before we are spoon-fed our medicine.

The television shows we watch must be paid by someone. Advertisers pay for the privilege of marketing to us multiple times per hour. The government has set certain standards by which companies must adhere. Most fine print is so small and repeated so fast that we cannot truly know what we might be in for. Most of what we see pushed between shows is of little value. Entertainment aside we are treated as if we cannot know what is best for us. The best way to protect ourselves is to define exactly what is a need rather than a want. Watch ads with a critical eye and keep your money in your pocket where it belongs.

Trick Or Trout

Halloween is upon us once again. I loved going out as a child to collect candy. I loved going home afterward, dumping out my bag, and seeing what goodies I had received. I did enjoy participating as an adult as well. During the first few years of home ownership I passed out candy. Something was fishy though! More teenagers and grown adults came to my door than actual costumed children.

I expect children today to feel as I did way back when. I looked forward to putting on my costume after dinner. My pillow case was at the ready to receive its booty. If it was cold enough my coat ended up hiding my outfit. Only my mask gave any indication as to what character or monster I might be. The only adults seen were those accompanying children as they begged for candy.

In my neighborhood things are not the same. This is why I am not handing out treats this year. I have seen too many examples of what Halloween is not about. I have given out candy to teenagers in high school. There have been some who had no costume whatsoever. There have been adults who collected for themselves with no shame. Some have even asked for candy for unknown others who could not be bothered to show up.

This is just not what this holiday is supposed to be about. It takes a lot of nerve to show up at someone's door with no costume or asking for candy for another person. Sometimes they never even asked. They just stuck multiple containers in my face and expected me to donate candy to each one. The shameless attitudes just blew me away. The celebration of this holiday is not at all the way I remember it as a child.

I realize that I may be romanticizing my childhood. Maybe there were just as many teens and adults traipsing around from door to door. I doubt it. As time has gone on I have noticed in many areas that rules are bent and broken. How things were done in the past is not the way they are done now. Times change and I must change with them. I just wish that little things like Halloween would remain purely for the children. Let us give the little ones reason to enjoy being young!

Who Is Responsible?

Bad things happen to all of us. They may occur due to our own negligence or stupidity. Not all accidents are our fault. The behavior of others might be the cause of our trouble. In other cases things just happen as the nature of existence is unpredictable. When a problem is caused, that requires money to fix, people seem to take on a whole new attitude. The aggrieved want someone else to pay. The guilty never admit culpability. Lawyers are always ready to represent one side or the other. The question becomes who or what must ultimately take responsibility?

I enjoy watching some of the trial shows on cable. I have seen, time and again, people refuse to take any responsibility for their actions. They have used some of the lamest excuses you have ever heard. No matter how cut and dry the matter is the defendant simply will not make restitution. They may even admit that what they did caused the problem for the plaintiff. They still find some ridiculous reason to deny wrongdoing. God forbid they should pay even a penny to make the plaintiff whole.

Sometimes nature causes what are called "acts of God." These are things that happen in which no one can really be blamed. Many times though, people are so angry and upset, a mere mortal must shoulder the blame. There must be someone at fault the wounded cry. It is difficult to accept that sometimes shit happens. In these cases those who hurt look everywhere, except within themselves, for someone to lay blame upon. Individuals and corporations alike are forced to spend money in defense of themselves when culpability is not deserved.

Who really benefits from all of these scenarios? Although most attorneys are fair-minded and honest there will always be the shysters. The proverbial ambulance chasers are no longer limited to our nation's highways. Now they advertise on television. Toll-free numbers and "no fee unless you win" come-ons abound. Any accident victim, whether actually hurt or not, is ripe fodder for these unscrupulous dealers. Did your medication do any little thing it should not have? Rest assured the sharks smell the blood in the water before you ever will.

We take no responsibility for our actions until we are the hurt party. What do these thoughtless individuals think all of this is teaching our children? We practically guarantee a new generation of even more selfish individuals. We hardly speak to strangers any longer. Words like please, thank-you and excuse me are rarely heard. If we ignore others we then need not be concerned how our actions may affect them. If we care not what we do why should we ever feel any responsibility for anything? I hope that those intelligent people reading this will be the exceptions to my rule.

Just A Piece Of Paper

I have heard from many students that their degree is just a piece of paper. This is true insofar as a diploma is printed on a mash of wood pulp. That paper does open doors. Education is the key to a better job and a higher quality of life. This is true in theory at least. Our economy is not differentiating lately as to what degree one may hold. Theory is also what is being taught in colleges across the country.

As much as I hate to admit it I am a college dropout. I left the University of Michigan without a degree. I received one from Henry Ford Community College years ago but that hardly counts. The reason I got fed up with U of M is based on theory. Nothing that I could learn was derived from real-world environments or situations. I felt that I would be ill-prepared to seek my way into the world of work.

Granted I did realize my true destiny (tongue-in-cheek) as a writer. A four-year degree is hardly necessary to put pen to paper as it were. Also, as any professor will tell you, theory is what students must learn as a gateway to appreciating and understanding real-world examples. This is fine and dandy but why not teach the foundational underpinnings of a course the first few weeks? The rest of the semester should concentrate on what a student will reasonably encounter in the real world.

My wife is a fine example of what I propose. She received her MBA as well as completed various certifications. As she would tell you most of what she learned in school, although interesting, was of no use in her career. Any particular business process she encountered was usually proprietary and could only be taught once she was there on the job. She would agree that much of what she paid good money to learn was for no more than to earn her Masters degree.

Education should be made available to everyone. Spend the first couple of years teaching people how to learn and to appreciate the myriad of disciplines out there. After they have chosen their desired profession it becomes time to teach what is truly useful to one already in that profession. And if that particular professor has been in the academic world so long that they have become out of touch, I say, drop their asses for better and more experienced personnel. Those who pay to be prepared for what awaits them in the real world deserves no less.

Our Collective Dreams

Sleeping is one hobby we all share. The next day is usually a better one than the day before. We cannot get to the next day until we sleep first. Our dreams are filled with various scenes. There are books that help to interpret our nighttime fantasies. The dreams we have during our waking hours though are common to many. People always want what they probably cannot have. For most of us our wants are the same.

Oh, to be wealthy! Dreams of avarice fill the heads of those not satisfied with their particular level of income. Who amongst us is truly happy with how much money comes in? Being rich would solve many of my own problems to be sure. Just look at all the people waiting to teach us how! They are flush with cash so they must be the ones who know the secrets! The problem is that they got that way off the backs of fools looking to get rich in the first place.

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but it is sold in jars, tubes and within doctor's syringes. You have not heard? For the right price you can buy a cream to remove wrinkles. Your skin will look years younger with this miracle salve. Botox and plastic surgery will make you into a new person! Let us not forget liposuction to remove all that unsightly fat. All of these purveyors of the impossible never tell you one thing. Beauty comes from within you and nowhere else.

Andy Warhol never knew what he was talking about. Fifteen minutes of infamy is not enough for anyone. We do not care if we make utter fools of ourselves in the pursuit of fame. There are plenty of reality shows more than willing to provide a forum to display our ego, vanity or complete stupidity. Make sure when in public, and you see a television news camera, you jump up and down like an idiot. Never mind that most truly famous people have no privacy and no real sense of self.

Who has time for exercise? There are a million diets that one may choose from. No time even for dieting? Well there are hundreds of pills that will do the same thing. Just lift your hand to your mouth! Let us eat whatever we like. Our bodies will work just fine. Those pills could not possibly hurt our organs or cause worse problems than we started with. I am so glad that our own nightly news brings us the details of each new health trend or fad as they come out. See those trim healthy people? Do not tell anyone but they got that way through exercise and healthy eating.

Let us all go to sleep tonight knowing that the answers to our dreams are so close! A book, a cream, a television camera and a pill will provide us with all that we desire. No longer will we have to be patient. No more will we have to concern ourselves with the truth. For enough money many are available to sell us the lie that what we want takes no work whatsoever. Keep shelling out your hard-earned money. Forget reason and logic and that good things take time. Give in to your basest desires and mindlessly travel the road of life.

You should all know better. After reading many of my posts it is obvious I am being facetious. There are no quick and simple answers. Solutions to our problems are hard-won. Our desires are not always healthy. What we want is not the same as what we need half the time. When you think about what is most important to you do not concentrate on what is fleeting. Wealth, beauty, fame and health dwindle as time goes on. These are not the things that make a life worth living. Look towards what truly adds value to existence and never mind the low hanging fruit.

Atheistic Proof

I laud Atheists support of reason and scientific pursuits. Much can be learned from humanism and secularism. I have heard too often a phrase, uttered by Atheists, that concerns me. I cannot prove that God exists and therefore He does not. This is a bit simplistic. Emotions and feelings cannot be proven. I freely admit that faith in God is a feeling. Requiring proof in what is obviously unprovable is no basis to deny what millions believe in.

Plenty of times I have been confronted by strangers. They want me to justify why something is not. Why is it I do not drive? Why do I shy away from red meat? I am not in the habit of justifying a negative. These types of questions I am used to. What I find ridiculous is being asked to justify what already is. God exists, plain and simple. My usual response is to ask them to prove they love their parents or spouse. It cannot be done yet who questions that one person loves another?

These non-believers seem so threatened by my faith. I am fine with the fact that they do not believe. Why are they so worried by the fact that I do? I respect their ideology yet mine is blamed for countless evils and social ills. Yeah, right! Like nothing bad ever happened outside of religion? Why cannot they be as tolerant as I must be towards them? Some part of them, deep inside, must be worried that they might be wrong. Why else would people of faith be challenged and verbally attacked so often?

Live and let live. You let me worship as I see fit and I will not bat an eyelash when you say God is dead. Religion is not the proper whipping boy for all that is wrong in the world. We are. You would think these so-called "humanists" would see the truth in that and stop blaming Christianity and other religions for every aspect of society they find fault with. I suggest we all get off our collective asses, agree to disagree and work together to fix what is broken - no matter who or what broke it!

Business As Usual

My wife and I enjoy taking trips to our neighbors to the North. Canada is close enough to be convenient yet different enough to feel like a vacation. To get across the border I needed to purchase a new "enhanced ID" from the state of Michigan. The card enhancement is an RFID chip which has information that the border guard uses to verify my identity. The existence of this chip has caused quite a stir with privacy advocates.

RFID stands for "radio frequency identification device." In the case of my card it supposedly holds just one bit of data which is a serial number. This serial number, according to the state, is the only data which is stored on the chip. A border guard scans my card, receives the number and uses it to link to a database with which they can verify who I am.

My card was mailed to me with a sleeve. The information I received said that the sleeve protected my card from being scanned by any RFID readers that I might come across. Stores use them in growing frequency, no pun intended, which is the privacy issue that I will come to. My question is this: If there is only a serial number on my card why would I be worried about it being randomly scanned? Is the sleeve that it came in truly useful or just for the paranoid?

A little background about RFID is in order. The chip is used to track store inventory although, in the future, new uses may be found. Each chip has its own identification or serial number. The chip emits a signal that a hand-held reader can scan. A supplier could potentially place these chips within a shipment of goods. A GPS (global positioning system) system would be able to monitor or track the movement of the shipment as it travels to its destination.

Some stores keep chips in each and every product. It makes it easier to scan them as they are brought into the store for purposes of inventory. Finding a lost item also becomes simpler if RFID readers are placed at various points within the building. In this way a company may know when a product arrives, where it is located and if it leaves the store as part of a sale or as a result of theft. The issue privacy advocates have involves the items that we buy and take home.

If the items that the consumer purchases have the chip still attached, and if they can be monitored via GPS, how far does this process go? Privacy proponents worry that a situation is created by which every consumer will be matched to each retail purchase. One might argue that this is done already with store cards one needs to get a particular discount. The RFID chips take this process one step further. Potentially everything that we buy can be monitored by anyone with an RFID reader.

Realistically there are few companies that use these chips and readers. Most of our privacy has been eroded due to laws enacted after 9-11 and various technologies that have existed for years. Even if someone truly cared to learn all that they could about me I probably could not stop them. Most of us, to be perfectly honest, care little about what our neighbors do. We give away more about our private lives in everyday conversations than any RFID chip ever will.

Technology will always be a double-edged sword. What can help can always harm. Any tool or device can be used for evil purposes if one chooses to do so. I do not believe that any retail establishment cares much about my buying habits beyond sending me coupons and keeping me as a customer. I do not see the harm if this new RFID device helps them become more efficient. It might even keep the store costs down and prices at a reasonable level. I think that we can all get behind that.

Make My Day

Everywhere we go we are offered the same advice. People really want us to have a nice day! I have had many nice days in a row. Like George Carlin said I am ready for a crappy day. Yet we still might want to make it a nice day for someone else. I again offer my take on what we can do for others that just might make them a little happier overall.

Showing appreciation for those who serve us would make them feel more human. Look people in their eyes. Smile and use words like please and thank-you. Shake hands when the transaction is finished. Leave a generous tip for good service. Tell a joke! Making a person laugh endears them to you. Just saying how much you appreciate what someone has done for you is more than most will do.

Little things really count when your day has not gone so well. Open the door for other people as they enter or exit. Offer directions or information that you think is helpful. Bring a neighbor their newspaper from their driveway to their door. Let that driver into your lane. Offer a cough drop to someone who needs it or a tissue to a cold sufferer. These little niceties take little to do but mean much more to the recipient.

Finding time to do all the things we must in a day is quite a challenge. Some of these things can be done to help another budget their time. Mowing, raking or snow shoveling an elderly person's yard is a welcome event. Pick up a few items for a friend from the store. Buy a gift for someone else to give a mutual friend for their birthday. Cook an extra meal for a busy person. Some effort on our part can lift a burden from the shoulders of another.

Not every act must be selfless or altruistic. Just building a person up creates positive ripples. If we think back on our lives we will see that many people did for us whether we deserved it or not. We tend to forget many of the little acts of kindness that have touched us. Despite our selective memories we can still be kind to others. We may not get the reaction we had hoped for. It is hard to know just how to react. Do it regardless and let kindness and goodness be reasons unto themselves.

Take It For Granted

I discovered a few years ago that I love raw fish! Sushi has changed my life. I had no idea how wonderful uncooked fish could be. I have always enjoyed eating creatures from our lakes and seas. I would usually order my dishes cooked. I pretty much had to. Most non-sushi restaurants would not be very receptive to a hunk of raw fish on a plate. Sushi restaurants are my dining establishment of choice now.

Every time I have enjoyed sushi and sashimi it has been an almost religious experience. Each type of fish or sea life has offered a new sensation. Every plate offers textures and tastes that constantly differ. Am I making you hungry? I hope that I will always enjoy what this Japanese delicacy has to offer. I am dismayed though at my feelings after my latest jaunt to my favorite sushi bar. I took the whole experience for granted.

This really is not like me. I have, up to now, made the most of each sushi adventure. I eat one piece at a time. I savor the flavor and describe it to my non-fish-eating wife. Although she will not touch the stuff she tells me that she gains joy vicariously through my experience. Christine is content to order vegetarian rolls which make her quite happy.

Why would this time be so different? How could I now take what had been so special and make it into something pedestrian? I have learned a valuable lesson in all of this. Sooner or later, no matter how wonderful or special a thing is, we will inevitably take it for granted. At first I felt bad. I was upset at myself for not appreciating sushi as I usually do. I soon saw the truth in that we all fall into this way of thinking sooner or later.

I am only human after all. I see the fine line that taking for granted is. We want to feel that something or someone is special. At the same time we must believe that they or it will always be there. Why else would we make our plans? We naturally assume that the object of our desire will be there or we would have made other plans to begin with. It is hard to see things as permanent and yet tenuous both simultaneously.

What is the resolution? I offer my philosophy as thus: Enjoy a thing as often as you can but be prepared for it to never be seen again. Things change. People change. What we have counted on, be it a day or a year, will eventually disappear. Make the most of the experience and have no regrets when the end finally arrives. This is a good way of looking at sushi as well as life. No one can predict what tomorrow will bring. Enjoy all of today and leave your worries behind!

Keys To Our Mind

If we look at ourselves honestly we will see flawed individuals. Not every issue is our fault. There are some cases in which we are victims. Our brains or bodies may malfunction and, for this, we cannot be held accountable. We do the best we can with what we have. When there is something we do not like about ourselves that we can change we should. There are a few steps I recommend when you are ready for a session of introspection.

We cannot fix a thing unless we know that it is broken. This is where perception comes in. We start with a feeling that something is amiss. Certain events do not go as planned. We wonder why. We might even see a pattern emerge. Perceiving that a problem exists is the first step in solving it. We see what is there in front of us and acknowledge its existence.

Now that we know of the difficulty we must determine just how to look at it. There are many points of view one can have. Good, bad, painful, freeing or even not caring are all potential ways of feeling about the problem. We might also see it as workable, confusing or as the fault of another. There are many perspectives one may have.

Perception and perspective work together. We see the problem, we feel some way about it and then we work toward a solution. This is the toughest time. It is easy to ignore or forget about what is bothering you. Myopia may set in. Just as a horse is more easily led using blinders we sometimes place them on ourselves. Remain open to what is and look at the issue from various angles.

I am only offering a basic blueprint for fixing what can be fixed in one's life. Some things cannot be changed and acceptance becomes our only salve. Understanding the difference between fixable and not is a skill that few possess. The best way to start is to face our fears and difficulties and try to see the big picture. There are many things that are under our control. Be strong and empower yourself! Do not let your problems rule you. Be the master of your own destiny.

It Takes Time

I am really in a hurry. I cannot believe how long things take! I cannot speed up any process but would it really help? Many aspects of our worlds involve long periods of time. In some cases days or months must pass before we achieve our goal. In others it just feels like it takes forever. In our culture of instant gratification, waiting in all its forms, we feel aggravated when our patience is tested. Like it or not sometimes waiting is all we can do.

There is no doctor's office that gets us into the exam room on time. They double and triple book patients as if the doctor can be in two places simultaneously. Getting there is no fun either. Traffic seems to build just when we are late to begin with. Construction seems to be put in place just to slow us down. When we fit in errands we find the inevitable line to the checkout. No matter which one we choose we always pick the slow lane. Have these check writers never heard of debit cards?

We care about our health when it seems to fail us. We make changes that should help but we have no idea when we will see results. Losing weight is a process that seems to drag on forever. It is hard to accept that there really is no magic pill. If things get bad enough we must undergo tests to determine just how much damage there is. Waiting for those results can be more stressful than the supposed malady we are being tested for. Why not just give us the results while we are there?

There must be other examples of things that take time that you can come up with. I am just offering a few examples. I have tried to see things a bit differently as of late. Instead of the hurry up and wait feeling I have tried to accept that time will move on its own schedule. There is nothing I can do and there is no point in worrying. Mental stress and concentration do not make things better. Why not try another tack?

Buddhists promote a mindset that may offer harried individuals some peace and quiet. I am no expert when it comes to their philosophies by any means. The gist of it is simply to allow events to unfold as they will and to not fight against the unstoppable force called time. Be satisfied with each moment as it arrives and enjoy life as a series of moments. Much can be enjoyed when one is at greater peace mentally. When we learn to accept what is we will live more harmoniously. I cannot say whether I can or not but it sure sounds good in theory!

Change

David Bowie sings about it. Homeless individuals ask for it. Some charities ask you to donate it. Change is also an inevitability. As soon as some aspect of our lives seems to make sense everything goes wonky. We cannot be blamed for our desire for consistency. It is wired throughout our DNA. All of us need at least some portion of our lives to remain the same. As we travel the road of life there is little that stays static.

I have learned this lesson many times. Every time I think I understand the rules they are rewritten. When I am sure someone will always be there they go their separate way. No matter how many times this happens I am still caught by surprise the next time it occurs. Maybe it is because I cannot accept that existence is so chaotic. I so want to believe that there are some people or circumstances that I can count on.

The sad fact is that nothing and no one lasts forever. Knowing this does not make handling it any easier. How can I prepare for so much that is unknown? What plans can I concoct for the future will protect me from hurt and pain? I am drawing a complete blank. I cannot know what tomorrow will bring. Doing the best for myself today is the only way to hedge my bets against an uncertain future.

Here is my confession. I do not do my best each day. I should save more, plan better and work harder. I see myself as lazy. It is difficult using so many "I" sentences. It is risky only talking about my own feelings. Not everyone who reads this will relate to my plight. This is my post today because this issue is on my mind. I hope that I am not alone in how I feel. Maybe others will see that they too are not alone in what they experience.

To persevere through whatever causes mental anguish is laudable. I want to do more than survive my pain. There is strength in numbers. Someday people may actually read my posts. I cannot guarantee I will write consistently. Most of our natures are that of lives in flux. A little less rocking of the proverbial boat would be a nice respite from the choppy seas of life. I just hope I am not a voice alone in the dark. Echo....

This Post Is Wrong

We hate being told we are wrong. Sometimes it is embarrassing. Other times it frustrates or makes us angry. Few like to feel like their intelligence is being questioned. Reality is that human beings are quite often wrong. We cannot know everything and sometimes our assumptions are based upon false logic. Without being wrong we will never know what is correct. We learn and grow when we are told that what we believe to be true is just the opposite.

Starting with school we are challenged to show what we know. Our homework is graded and handed back. We soon learn how much information we have stored versus what had been forgotten. The best teachers were the ones who did not just mark our papers. They also explained the answers and why they were correct. These instructors encouraged us to discover for ourselves the world of knowledge that surrounds us. Being wrong was the best way to assure that learning took place.

As adults we have many opportunities to become more skilled. Cooking, budgeting and other household skills require trial and error. We make mistakes and learn from them. As time goes on we get better at most everything. Looking at what went wrong is the only way to work toward what is right. Our jobs are no different. Others tell us when we screw up so we can make amends and become more efficient. If we were never told when we erred we would not progress and probably not be employed for very long.

Relationships are difficult enough without good communication skills. I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken to my wife based upon what I thought was true. She acts and I am sure the reason for it. The same goes for her. We talk and discover that in some cases we were wrong about the other person's motives. We would never have known if we did not promote honesty and forthright behavior in our relationship. Creating a safe environment to talk is a must! Being wrong early on led to greater understanding and a happier life together.

Being wrong is a real problem for those who feel that they can never be such. Prejudice and rigid thinking are two ways in which people will decide that they must be right no matter what anyone else says. It never feels good when another tells that you are mistaken in your thoughts or actions. A few people protect themselves from this. They might be highly sensitive or simply afraid of the truth. These souls cannot be moved from their positions. The word wrong only applies to those who disagree with them.

I would rather be told I am wrong than have someone let me walk in ignorance. It is crucial to determine just what is true or best or right. In some cases being wrong can have dire consequences. We not only need information but we need the correct information if we expect to lead quality lives. When you tell someone that they need to think differently please be kind to them. People are more receptive to hearing about their errors if it is done in a non-accusatory and non-critical manner. I know that in what I say I am not wrong... or am I?

Justice Or Revenge

You break the law, you get caught, you go to jail. For most this will include not receiving two-hundred dollars and not passing go. But life is rarely like a board game. Some who just fracture the law receive probation. Others end up sharing a cell and wondering just what effect this will have on their life. Is incarceration a fitting punishment or a way to damage those whom have damaged others?

Let me get the basics out of the way. Crime is bad. People get hurt. Offenders must pay a price. That price is often a jail sentence. How long that sentence is and what happens during it is what I have a problem with. We treat offenders equally with little regard as to their crime, their history or whether the greater good is served. We seem to deal with criminals from a place of anger rather than from a seed of hope.

We assume that if they do wrong once it will most likely happen again. It is easy to find statistics that bear this out. To what extent though is this a self-fulfilling prophecy? We demonize rather than attempt some form of rehabilitation. We take away the guilty party's every right, their every comfort, as part of their punishment. We act not from altruism but from fear. We believe it is better to hold criminals for as long as possible rather than try and keep them out of prison for just as long a time.

The long-term costs of imprisonment are greater than the short-term expense of various forms of rehabilitation. Time and money must be spent upon education and learning life skills. Counseling to help with mental trauma is good therapy for all. Assistance after prison to help the convict assimilate back into society can only offer positive outcomes. Treating the offender as a human being in all stages goes a long way in making someone want to act humanely.

What I propose is not appropriate for all classes of lawbreakers. Some should be kept as far away from society for as long as possible. Even in these cases though should we allow some level of comfort and humanity. They will be spending their remaining years locked up after all. We certainly do not want them to become greater problems after their incarceration than before. Giving these people something to do with their time should not be seen as a privilege.

Guards, prisons and law-breakers housed within are prices we pay for a just and balanced society. I do not approve of all methods of inmate treatment yet for the most egregious offenders I can understand how strict measures must be undertaken. The families and friends of victims have my sympathy and must be made whole as best we can. This should not include treating the criminal offender as less than human. How we treat the least of us says oh so much about the most of us.

No Thought Required

I am continuing on the punishment theme. Two specific situations exist where breaking the rules results in a predetermined reaction. Many schools have a zero-tolerance policy. Some states have a similar statute for adult offenders. Three strikes and you are out applies to more than baseball. In both cases these rules have been enacted by reactionary legislators. What exactly are they reacting to? It is a small but vocal, and therefore powerful, minority of individual voters.

These rules are meant to protect schools and our communities from real threats. Not every crime is committed for the same reasons. Why someone breaks the rules depends on more than a few factors. How and why we punish should be tempered with logic, reason and mercy. School administrators and court judges have had their hands essentially tied. They must do what these laws require or face censure or firing.

Not every student offender deserves to be suspended or expelled. God knows the best place for them would be in school in the first place. In many districts the principal has no choice but to remove the student permanently. This has occurred because a few scared parents helped push through a rule that treats everyone the same. I understand their concerns for their childrens' safety. What their fear has done though has blinded them to the fact that there are differences in circumstances that must be considered before determining proper punishment.

The three-strikes rule has had a similar effect. It is a simplistic law that says after three crimes you will spend the rest of your life behind bars. Again we see that the minority makes the rules. Those who govern are afraid of losing their jobs and so they cater to the few who yell the loudest. No matter if the three crimes were petty the offender will not see the light of day again. This law leaves no room for judges to be just that.

These rules take what would be intelligent people who oversee others and make them into nothing more than figureheads. How can one watch over children or oversee trials if the outcome is predestined? There is no justice in that. Each case must be considered on its own merits. Each offender should be sentenced with a punishment that fits the crime. We must not create rules that simplify the judicial process and promulgate the lie of conformity. We are all not the same!

There is only one solution to this narrow-minded method of sentencing. When the few insist that they speak for the many, the many must speak up in protest. It is only when there is no dissenting voice does the minority get away with creating law that satisfies their narrow world view. Crime is a worry we all share. It touches all of our lives. The solution though is not to create blanket methods for those who break the rules. A fair-minded populace should not stand for it and a true democracy cannot exist as part of it.

Reward And Punishment

It is human nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Some may say this is a genetic trait. I would argue that it is a learned response to our environment. As babies we learn that our crying gets our parents' attention. Toddlers are taught to be either good or bad. Children learn that negative attention is better than none at all. Each of these life stages involves the use of rewards or punishments for various behaviors. This system serves us the least as adults yet we may never really breakout of this pattern of thinking.

We decide that certain actions are justified based upon the reward we hope to receive. More time is spent working in hopes of a bonus at the end of the year. A gift is bought for a spouse assuming that they will acquiesce to our desires. If our children will stop whining they can have the toy that they dangle in front of us. These rewards are not what they appear to be. There are invisible strings attached that cheapen the sentiment and reduce our self-esteem.

Whatever we do, whether for ourselves or for another, should be done for the purest of reasons. If we work hard the only tangible benefit is a sense of pride. We do for our spouse because we love them. Giving to others occurs because we know what would make them happy. Performing good deeds while having an ulterior motive just makes them deeds; the "good" quickly disappears. Only children give with one hand while holding the other out in anticipation.

Punishment comes in many forms. When we are young we may lose an object for a time or lose the trust our parents have in us. We may suffer a harsh word or a stiff paddle. As we age there is the threat of expulsion from school or imprisonment behind steel bars. I should know better than anyone what punishment can bring. I also know that no punishment was worse than the guilt I put myself through. As adults we need to rise above this simplistic view and treat ourselves with greater compassion.

We make mistakes all the time. Errors in judgment, lack of foresight or forgetting to use due diligence are our stumbling blocks. Not every error should be approached as a reason to punish ourselves. Regret and guilt serve no good purpose other than to make us feel even worse. I used to assume that when I screwed up there should be a price to pay. Christine, my wife, taught me that mistakes should not be blown out of proportion. We must learn and move on. Flogging ourselves mentally only adds to the preexisting scars from our past.

It would help us as adults if we changed the way we define and justify our system of rewards and punishments. Our children would grow up more self-actualized. Teenagers could be more self-confident and self-assured. As adults we could act in more honest and enlightened ways. Much of our thinking and reasoning develops early on but changes little over time. The areas I mentioned are great places to start examining our preconceived notions of self and others. Give because it pleases you first and foremost. Do for others what helps rather than hurts. Become greater than the sum of your own parts.

Release The Mind

We may not be organized people. Getting our schedules straight can be difficult. Our minds crave organization. Healthy minds must be able to prioritize thoughts and feelings. Our actions must make sense, if not to others, then at least to ourselves. For this reason we often perform many tasks by rote. How often do you think about your mental habits? The things we do may not bring us pleasure yet we do what has become natural. It is time to unshackle the mind and free ourselves from behavior that serves no good purpose.

Behaviors are learned over time. As children we are taught simple tasks to perform as well as what activities will hurt us. As we grow we repeat behaviors we develop through learning, imitation and adaptation. We do things we hope will provide us desired results. We grow and change yet our reasons for what we do stay the same. We give little thought to how we actually feel as we accomplish daily tasks.

There are some simple reasons for our habitual actions. Let me offer some examples to put this into perspective. A floor is cleaned in the same way our mothers taught us. They may not have explained why, or even if there might be, a less laborious method. We balance our checkbook using monthly statements sent in the mail. It is a task that causes stress. We could more easily balance it via a computer application. We do not as we are more comfortable with our older method despite the mental anguish it brings.

There is an old saying: The devil you know is better than the devil you do not. Okay, I am paraphrasing a bit. What this means is that fear keeps us doing and being who we are because the alternative may be even worse. We become too comfortable. Our behaviors and ways of thinking do not change because they are familiar and easier than the work it would take to change them. Believe it or not it takes less work than you realize.

For many years I had organized my time in much the same way. As soon as I noticed something amiss I felt that I had to handle it immediately. When a plate was used it must then be washed. When mail arrives it must be read and sorted. Each behavior had to be done in precisely the same order each and every day. I felt so constricted. I finally realized that I could group similar tasks together. I could also perform them when it worked best for me. I was so used to doing things the way I always had that I was blind to the stress and pain it caused me.

I told myself that I am an adult. No matter how I had been taught how to do things I was the boss. Regardless of how others might criticize me I make my own rules. I had to decide what worked best for me. How could I reduce my stress and increase my happiness? We are brought up with a sense of right and wrong. It is a strong influence on our behaviors. I now see that I decide what is right and wrong for me and my life. As long as I am not hurting anyone else I can do whatever I want however I want.

We never forget all of the advice we receive. Unconstructive criticism stays with us. The voices from our past cannot be allowed to negatively influence who we are today. We are mature individuals. Who else should decide what is best for us? We alone create our life's goals and deserve credit for our success. If we fail we must be good to ourselves. Learning from mistakes and moving on to try again is the mark of wisdom. Let no one else judge you when you do not live up to their standards. Your expectations of yourself is the only yardstick you need.

My advice is true for small daily tasks and larger life decisions. How we see ourselves matters more than anything else. When we change from what is comfortable to what is new, be it chores or major life changes, pain is involved. Do not let that pain stop you from making your life better. Self-nurturing and self-love are the keys to happiness. Listen to your heart and be honest with yourself. Be released from old habits and defeating behaviors and discover the better life that awaits you!

The End To Pain

There are still subjects that are not broached in polite company. Most of us will die of natural causes. Some die due to an accident or violent crime. There are a select few that choose the date of their death. Suicide, though technically illegal, is an option chosen by some. It is chosen for reasons only known to the deceased. There are cases in which it is not a cowardly act but one of compassion toward the self.

It is not so hard to understand great pain. As we travel life's road we have our share of less than happy moments. Sometimes the pain lasts for hours and sometimes for an indeterminable amount of time. Many of us have, in our sorrow, entertained thoughts of suicide. What kept us from making such a fatal decision? I hope to offer suggestions as to why some felt that ending their life was their only option.

I am a fighter. No matter how bad things get I try to find reasons for hope. I look to all the things that make my life worthwhile. There are some who, I presume, see only the darkness. They see existence as futile. No matter what outsiders may offer as reasons for optimism they only see the precipice. Our mindsets only change when we have good reason to do so.

Strength is another factor in suicides. Pain, be it mental, emotional or physical, takes a certain level of inner fortitude to overcome. It seems contradictory. It takes strength to deal with our hurts. It takes hurtful experiences to develop strength. I would imagine that for suicide victims their well of strength ran dry just when they most needed to take a sip.

I sometimes need to spend time alone but eventually I emerge from my shell and talk to the person whom I love and trust. My wife is always there for me and I am there for her. We have shared a relationship for nearly seventeen years. We are each others support system. Not all who need it have someone caring to go to when life seems the most harsh. Without that caring voice to comfort and guide many choose the final option.

We all have times when we feel down or blue. Life is not something that we can predict to the extent we would like. Events occur that are beyond our control. If you feel like suicide is inevitable I hope that you will reconsider. Our perspective can be changed if we find the right person to offer solace, words of wisdom and comfort. Preventing suicide can be as easy as clicking this sentence. One phone call may be all you need to turn your life around.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

The title may be trite but the sentiment is heartfelt. Near my home is a billboard that warns against the evils of Atheism. Apparently some Christian group is worried about people's lack of faith or belief in God. I have also noticed a similar sentiment in secular-humanism publications that tend to blame society's ills on the rise of religion in general and Christianity in specific. Where does it end? In reality not all members of each group see the other as a threat.

Contrary to popular belief tolerance is practiced by those whom have strong faith in their particular set of personal beliefs. Not all Christians feel the need to rush out and evangelize to non-believers. There are many Atheists who accept those with religious beliefs as otherwise intelligent beings. The problem starts when those on the fringes of any movement look to rally their followers by finding an outside group to demonize.

Yes, I am a Christian. I have strongly held beliefs based upon my interpretation of the Bible and my own understanding of God. I would never profess to know what is right for another. The best I can do is help guide a person to seek knowledge for themselves. If they discover what they sought I am thrilled. If it is not what I thought it would be I do not take offense. Each and every person must seek the truth in their own way.

Not all Christians hold the same world view. These individuals believe that there is but one path to heaven and that path can only lead to Jesus Christ. This is the basis of Christianity I admit. I am not so cocksure that I would decry any other belief systems though. Yet some see Atheism as threatening. They see it as some kind of detour which will cause us to become lost on the road to salvation. It is treated as some kind of disease. They have taken up the sword of righteousness in preparation for holy combat.

What is the real threat in this scenario? I believe that the "detour" I mentioned is but a red herring. The fear is real I am sure. What it stems from is their own doubt. When one is confident about one's beliefs then one's foundation is unshakable. But if a person is regularly wrestling with their doubts they will see anything that confirms them as an invader; much the way white blood cells attack foreign pathogens in the body. They hate what Atheists profess because, in their heart of hearts, they see a nugget of truth in it. This shakes them to their very core.

Oftentimes Secular-Humanists are also Atheists. There are mainstream periodicals, such as The Humanist, that regularly discuss issues important to the secularist. I agree with many of the tenants of this group. People should do what they can to take care of others through compassion, reason and logic. We should care not only for each other but for those with no voice such as animals and the environment. Politics and religion both should keep to the sidelines as everyday humans try to work out their differences amongst themselves. It is all about doing the right thing.

Doing what is best is oftentimes hampered by religious zealots according to members of the Humanist mindset. Humanists want to do what is best in their worlds and communities but must contend with religious roadblocks. I have read numerous articles which usually ended with the blame squarely being placed upon the shoulders of the Christian community. In some cases it is suggested that certain problems would not even exist if it were not for meddling by members of the "far right." Science cannot prove the existence of God and therefore, whatever is done in His name, must be a lie.

I got an overall feeling from reading a year's worth of The Humanist. If that magazine is any indication then religion is not the problem. Atheists seem to be sure that once you die there is nothing whatsoever. There is no life and no existence. I truly think that the issue is frustration. Religion is a large part of many people's lives. It is reflected in every aspect of our culture. From saying "God bless you" to displaying creches during Christmas, religious imagery and symbolism is all around us. Some Atheists are just mad as hell that they should be exposed to what they are so sure is an illusion. Their level of tolerance is about that of a two-year old child.

All of the reasons I gave for each side hating the other are just semantics. The real basis for all of this intolerance is as old as time itself. Each group needs some other group to be their enemy. They need a faceless cause to fight against. This not only emboldens them but gives meaning to their very existence. If they were not fighting their perceived enemy they would probably be fighting against each other. I have no doubt that, due to varying degrees of Atheism and Christianity, there is much infighting already going on.

Not everyone within a group hold exactly the same set of beliefs. Each member may not feel the same way about the tenants of the group nor about how their goals should be achieved; or even what those goals are. Who really benefits from the polarization that goes on within these subcultures? Think about it for a moment. No really, go ahead, I will wait. The leaders do. They are the ones who created these organizations, made the rules and keep the people together under one banner. They have all done so with one simple reason: Power!

Power corrupts to be sure. What scares me though is that these mini-dictators were probably corrupt to begin with. These few could not get what they craved from ordinary citizens so they got the bright idea to anoint themselves and gather their followers. They did so under the guise of righteousness and the mandate of fighting those who they deemed to be threats. I may be getting off the track here somewhat but I suggest that this is not limited to extreme Humanist or Christian organizations. Arguments could be made from Scientology to Falun Gong. There will always be those in power who care little for the cause but only for themselves.

Getting back to the subject at hand I hope that secularists and religious people can work together for the common good. It may surprise them to learn that what both groups want is very similar in nature. It is only the means to achieve these goals that may differ. We should cross the aisle and shake hands with our neighbor. It is imperative we put aside our old assumptions about each other and openly and peacefully discuss our mutual concerns. We are more powerful united as one force for change than divided and working at cross-purposes. We are more alike than different no matter what propaganda you may have heard as of late.

Belief or non-belief in a deity should not automatically exclude someone from any group or from any mission to do good works. Causing pain and violence are real threats. Having thoughts that differ from another is not. We must learn to understand the difference. Not every thought translates into an action. Not every action translates into a negative outcome. Getting along is a good mantra for all of us. Let us tear down the proverbial fence, talk to one another and walk the path of goodness and humanity together!

Less Of A Man

Sometimes we must resign ourselves to a certain reality. My time of reckoning came today. I now have a third leg. It is not what you think. I did not have a third appendage attached just to look cool. What I did cost only a few dollars and will help me walk more securely. I picked up a cane at the local durable goods store.

My rheumatologist provided me with a script for a walking aid. I was none too thrilled to say the least. My wife, Christine, explained to me that it really was in my best interest to use one. I admit that I have not been very steady on my feet lately. Despite this fact I really did not want to stand out in public.

I put off filling the script for weeks. I figured that I would get better as soon as my medication reached a "clinical dosage" whatever that means. Needless to say I never reached it. As I dealt with my infirmity I happened to notice that there are quite a few people who use canes. "Maybe this will not be so bad?" I told myself.

I finally decided the time had come to do what was best for myself. I got the cane and it is not so bad. I actually walk better than before. My posture is much better as well. I am slower now, especially due to my getting used to using it, but I am a fast learner. Could it be that what seemed so horrible might actually be good for me? A cane, maybe? Brussels sprouts, no way!

My point is, and I do have one, is that we must sometimes put aside our pride and take a leap of faith. I am not alone when it comes to those who must compensate for what their bodies lack. Wheelchairs, walkers and other devices enable us to still reach our full potentials. I am trying not to see the cane as emasculating but as empowering. People actually seem to show more respect toward me and allow me to get to where I need to go.

It is always hard to get older. It is hard to accept that time is not a kind mistress. We all must face this fact or hide in a corner and wait for death's arrival. Please do whatever you must to make your life better. Be it a cane, a prescription medication or better reading glasses. The sooner you do the happier you will be as you go back to doing what makes you happy. Who knows? Maybe with my new cane I will become the first Jewish pimp? Right on!

The Right To Arm Bears

Not many members of the wild kingdom own guns. I think a coyote was busted with a large stash a while back but I digress. The most common owner of a gun is you or me. Hunting or personal protection are the most common reasons one would own guns. Let me say right off the bat that I have no problem with responsible gun ownership. How we define responsible is the query I am considering.

Police officers must go through training. Hunters take classes as well. Those who wish to apply for a concealed carry permit must also pass some stringent tests. The everyday person though only need wait the required time before they take possession. Mental health issues aside how can we be sure that these gun owners know just how to use it?

A number of issues come to mind. How the gun is stored and maintained is important. It must also be secured and the ammunition kept separate from it. When it is used and for what reason must be considered. Assuming a gun owner has these bases covered there is still one fact that we take for granted. Not all who own a gun actually know how to shoot it.

Most people think that it is simply a matter of aiming and firing. Unless your target is directly in front of you there is a good chance you will miss. Some guns must be cocked before firing. Do all owners know how to un-cock a gun if they choose not to fire? We may not think of these things until it is too late. Those who know their gun inside and out may not visit a gun range very often. If practice makes perfect this must be the best reason to do so.

Despite all the precautions one may take, such as using a gun lock or locked gun storage, youth still manage to get their hands on Dad's firearm. When it is used by whomever there are still plenty of examples of bystanders being shot and killed. In some counties and states it is not clear just when one can shoot a burglar for instance. Even when defending one's home one can be charged with a crime. Some laws exist to prevent what is seen as overkill when an assailant only has a knife or bat.

Gun owners have every right to keep and bear their arms. This right should not be infringed. There are some limits that I think are necessary though. Semi-automatic weapons are not necessary to hunt. Bambi is not packing heat and is really no threat. If in the course of firing a weapon an innocent is shot or killed there should be a strong punishment waiting for those who pulled the trigger.

So much time is spent trying to limit gun ownership by law-abiding citizens in an effort to reduce their sheer number. Take the guns from the gangs who have no business carrying them and rely on decent people to use theirs with discretion and reason. We will not bring back the days of the wild west if good people are allowed to protect themselves against the bad ones.

Gun ownership is a right guaranteed by our constitution. It was a good law then and it is a good law now. The protections in place and the precautions taken when selling guns are good ideas. We should stop assuming that just because you have the cash you also have the necessary knowledge as well. We must learn about what the laws require and exactly how this deadly weapon works; inside and out. Nothing can offer us full security. Upholding our rights though is a damned good place to start.

Poetry In Motion

Recently I went to see my favorite minor league baseball team. The Toledo Mud Hens are a "AAA" team that is part of the Detroit Tigers' franchise. They built a new stadium a few years back. This was my first chance to see all of the improvements. Compared to the Tigers the parking was cheaper, the seats were closer and the fun overall was greater. Baseball is more than our national pastime. The sport is a thing of beauty to behold.

I do not dwell on what people commonly complain about. Expensive tickets, high salaries and drunken fans are beside the point. The wonder and beauty I see cannot be spoiled by such mundane trivialities. Baseball is really very simple at heart. A pitcher tries to throw a ball without it being struck. A batter tries to hit the ball with all his strength. The other players' sole purpose is to provide support.

It is exciting to watch and wonder just how the pitcher will throw the ball. We wait breathlessly to see how the batter will react. The scoreboard offers many statistics but it is the field we watch. With hot dog in hand or peanut shells underfoot we root for our team and hope for the best. Positive thinking permeates all who attend the event. Player and spectator alike smile inwardly as they focus outwardly.

There is that singular moment in any game which defines the beauty I previously mentioned. The ball is thrown. The batter swings. We hear the crack of the bat and watch the ball sail effortlessly toward the outfield. We rise and cross our fingers. The ball continues its trajectory and a home run is achieved! The crowd melds into one voice as they cry in exultation. One lucky patron may leave with a prize greater than most men dream of.

So much emotion is felt by so many. We watch this game with love in our hearts. The actions on the field make us feel so alive! We live vicariously for those few hours through those whom we idolize. It is not just the delight we feel that draws us. It is the return to a state of childlike innocence that keeps us there. We secretly long for that feeling and satiate it whenever the opportunity arises. This is why baseball is so connected to our hearts and minds.

Baseball is played in many countries. Children everywhere grow up playing some form of it in their neighborhoods. We collect the memorabilia and souvenirs that connect us to the players we love. No other pastime represents the best in humanity. What else can create such adrenaline without any side-effects? Baseball will always fill us with happiness and hope. Go out and enjoy it no matter where it is played. Break out your mitt, forget your worries and be a kid once again!

For Health Reasons

Our lifespans would be much shorter if not for advances in health care. Prescription drugs save lives. In a few cases there is only one drug that makes us feel better. Those who suffer from glaucoma or the effects of chemo know what I am talking about. Marijuana, or more specifically Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), makes these individuals feel much better. It reduces feelings of nausea and lowers the amount of pain. The drug is illegal unless under specific circumstances. It is best to look at both sides of the issue.

Can Marijuana do harm? For those mentioned above it may increase quality of life. There are safe and clean places to purchase it. Leaf and pill form are made available to anyone who can pay. There are times though when this drug ends up in the hands of youth. Adults have been known to drive while under the influence and cause accidents. Not all growers act in a responsible manner. Their farms create industrial type wastes and increase crime rates in the surrounding area.

Users argue that it is a cheap high. They maintain that it makes them feel good, allow them to be more creative and that there are no long term effects. Scientists have not come to a consensus as to Marijuana's cumulative physiological effects. Whether it is a "gateway" drug has been highly debated. I maintain that it is. Like any aspect of life, when it stops satisfying our desires, we seek out more and greater of an effect. Drugs overall are no exception.

Although Marijuana is taxed, few people out of fear of arrest, actually pay what they owe. Crime rates increase due to drugs. Costs to enforce existing laws are more than some communities can bear. Harm reduction rather than prison is a viable option. It costs a state much more to house non-violent offenders than to decriminalize the use of Marijuana. These financial costs as well as others must be weighed against the common good.

Even though the drug helps those whom are sick there are still laws against casual use. THC pills should be freely prescribed by doctors for the ill. Arrest for the others is appropriate. There should be a price to pay. This price should not include prison but instead we must find a way to treat these individuals. It would be better for all concerned. More money would be available for public services rather than housing and feeding criminals.

There is another way of looking at the problem of illegality. Police spend far too much time going after Marijuana users. Dealers, by their very existence, increase local crime rates. It might be best for the United States to simply decriminalize the drug but control its growth and its distribution. In this way the criminals are taken out of the loop. People would then be free to enjoy the drug without fear of reprisal. Those found guilty of crimes committed while under the influence would incur a stiffer penalty.

Much good could come from Marijuana if it were made legal. Hemp can be used to create clothing, paper and food items. People would be free to do what they like in the privacy of their own homes. Treatment of disease or sickness would not hold such a stigma. Crimes rates would be reduced and a new source of revenue would be found by state and federal governments. Marijuana addiction would be openly treated by hospitals and clinics. Adults who provide the drug to youth would still be prosecuted as they would if it were alcohol or another drug.

This is not likely to happen. Harm reduction is simply not practiced here. It is for the same reason we do not believe in preventative medicine. We, as a society, do not pay attention to an issue until it becomes a problem. I am a realist. I believe that Marijuana does little harm as compared to other illegal substances. Far too much time and money is spent on fighting its growth, sale, and use, housing non-violent criminals and local crime committed by dealers. It is high time we decriminalize Marijuana and save millions in taxes. Society would be better served if we stopped fighting the monster that propaganda created.